


I Dare You To Move

by LilyAnson



Series: To Hell And Back [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angel Castiel, Angelic Magic, Angels, Angels are Dicks, Bonded Crowley, Bonding, Demonic Grace, Guardian Angel Castiel, Hurt Crowley, Hurt/Comfort, Knight(s) of Hell, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, PTSD Adam, Panic Attacks, Possessive Sam, Protective Bobby Singer, Protective Crowley, Queen of Hell Meg, Sam is Missing, Spells & Enchantments, Wings, Worried Castiel, Worried Dean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-14
Updated: 2016-12-02
Packaged: 2018-06-02 07:06:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 22,232
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6556627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LilyAnson/pseuds/LilyAnson
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What would make a Knight of Hell, two hunters, an angel and demon set aside their differences and work together?</p><p>The third part of Hell and Back Series.  Sam goes missing and his bond with Crowley gets cut.  Can they find him before something bad happens to Sam?  Can they find him before the energy inside Crowley overwhelms or consumes him?  Two angels decide two Knights of Hell roaming the Earth is too many.  Their reasons?  Protect humanity.  Their results?  Crowley's energy no longer has a focus point to bond to.  Without Sam as a focus for his energy Crowley is worried he may revert back to when he couldn't control it.  Meg, Bobby, Crowley, Dean and Cass search for Sam for their own reasons.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Swampofsaddness](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Swampofsaddness/gifts).



> _Maybe redemption has stories to tell_  
>  _Maybe forgiveness is right where you fell_  
>  _Where can you run to escape from yourself?_  
>  _Where you gonna go?_  
>  _Where you gonna go?_  
>  _Salvation is here._  
>  I Dare You To Move, Switchfoot

Pain. Searing, burning, white hot pain shot through him and clouded his vision. He tried to cry out but couldn’t tell if he even made a sound. He had no idea how long it even lasted. Slowly the pain began to ebb. Eventually he became aware of someone touching him. Someone _not_ his Sam. Crowley jerked away from the hand and blinked rapidly trying to clear his vision.

“Crowley! Damn it, stop!”

“Bobby?” Crowley asked cautiously.

“It’s me. Stop moving, ya idjit.”

Crowley stopped moving. His vision was finally starting to clear slightly. If Bobby was with him he had to be safe didn’t he? The only other person that could make him feel safer would be… 

“Sam! Bobby I can’t feel Sam!”

Crowley began to panic. If he couldn’t feel Sam… 

“Calm down, Crowley.”

“Dean?” Crowley asked jerking his head to his right. Sure enough a fuzzy Dean knelt just out of reach. “He’s gone. I can’t feel him, Dean. I can’t feel him anymore.”

“There’s probably a reasonable explanation. We just need to calm down and think about it, okay?”

“I can _always_ feel him. I should be able to but I can’t!” Reaching out he grabbed Dean’s shirt. “I can always feel him.” Finally whatever was wrong with his vision finished clearing. 

“Everything will be fine, you just need to calm down,” Dean told him.

“No! You don’t understand. You didn’t feel it! I can’t go back to that!” Crowley searched for something, anything to help ground him. His lungs felt like they were shutting down and it was getting difficult to breathe.

“Crowley,” Bobby barked. 

Crowley instantly released Dean and turned back to Bobby

“You ain’t going to help anything by passing out on us, okay? Breathe. Now.”

“Can’t,” Crowley whined. Gods he needed Sam.

A hand touched his arm and Crowley shoved it off turning to growl at Dean. “Don’t touch me!”

Desperately sucking in air he tried to catch his breath.

“Let him be for now, Dean. Crowley, you need to slow your breathing down.”

“Can’t,” Crowley gasped.

“Focus, Crowley. You can do this. Take a deep breath.”

*-*-*-*-*

The front door open and Meg strode into the house without bothering to knock.

“Where is he,” she demanded.

“Calm down,” Dean told her.

“You called me, told me he’s having a panic attack and he can’t connect with the one person who helps him focus his energy into a manner where he doesn’t want to destroy everything around him and then tell _me_ to calm down?”

“He's better now but he’s still not good. If you waltz in there with that attitude you might set him off again. You have to calm down so that he stays calm.”

Actually that made sense. Meg took a deep breath and released it. “What do you mean better?”

“Bobby’s still sitting with him, making sure he stays okay for now. Some of the initial panic subsided but it’s still pretty touch and go. I seem to make things worse when I try to help so I figured I stay out here and wait for you.”

“Good call. Which room are they in?”

“They’re up in Sam and Crowley’s room. Being around Sam’s things seems to help.”

“Want to show me the way or should I guess?”

“Top of the stairs second door on the left.”

Making her way up the stairs she paused momentarily before she opened the door. The last time she’d seen Crowley without a true focus point for his energy had been in hell before he’d been rescued. She had no idea what kind of state she was likely to find him in now. Before she could open the door someone from inside the room opened it. 

“He said he could feel you out here,” Bobby stated, backing up as he spoke. 

She didn’t know what she expected the room to look like but the bright blues and greens it was done in made it entirely too ‘cheery’ for her tastes. Strangely there were actually two beds in the room. She knew about Crowley and Sam’s relationship and had naturally assumed they would only need one bed. Crowley lay curled up in the bed on the ‘blue’ side of the room. Calm, she reminded herself. She had test the waters to see how Crowley would react.

“Maybe if they had just stuck with the blue it wouldn’t be so bad,” Meg noted.

“I like the green,” Crowley informed her softly.

“Then why not just stick with that color?”

“Sam likes blue,” Crowley said with a small smile. “Meg?”

“What’s up?”

“I lost him.”

“Maybe, maybe not. Maybe the connection just got a little french fried and needs to sort itself out.”

Crowley shrugged half-heartedly.

“I need you to talk to me Crowley.”

“About what?”

“About how you’re feeling.”

“Empty.”

“You have to give me more than that.”

“Empty like when Sam fell into the pit.”

“Like when he just fell into the pit or later on?”

“Like when he just fell.”

“Okay good. We can work with this. I’m going to stick around the house for a while. If anything changes you let me know, okay?”

“I want him back.”

“I know. Trust me, Crowley, we want you to get him back just as much. I’m going to step out of the room for a while now but I’m not leaving the house okay?”

“Meg?”

“Yes?”

“I won’t bond with you like I did him. If he doesn’t come back…”

“I’ll kill you.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

Bobby followed as Meg left the room. Before she could go too far he reached out and grabbed ahold of her arm. Turning back Meg glared.

“Killing him better not be your first choice,” Bobby growled.

“If I wanted him dead he would already be dead,” Meg growled back yanking her arm out of the hunter’s grip. “I would much rather find Sam and reunite them before he goes psycho on us and I’m forced to resort to something that drastic.

*-*-*-*-*

“So what happened,” Dean asked as Bobby and Meg walked into the library.

“It _is_ possible that something fried their bond and it might fix itself given time,” Meg stated with a sigh.

“But you don’t believe that?” Dean asked.

“If that were the case Sam would have called you to check in when he felt it happen. Plus I’m assuming you lot have tried to call him already.”

Dean gave a single nod.

“And let me guess. He didn’t answer?”

“Straight to voicemail.”

“As much as I hope I’m wrong it sounds more like he got into something he wasn’t able to get out of and managed to get himself killed.”

“You better pray you’re wrong,” Dean growled.

“Believe me, sweetie, I do. A Knight of Hell with nothing to live for and no reason to worry about controlling his actions? _If_ I prayed at all, Sam still being alive would be at the tippy top of my list. Now how about you do something useful and summon your angel?”

*-*-*-*-*

“And he can’t feel him at all?” Castiel asked.

“Nope,” Meg answered. 

“Where is Crowley right now?”

“Still up in their room,” Bobby answered. “Didn’t want to take a chance he might freak out around angels again.”

“I believe we’ve moved past his fear of me at least. I don’t think it would be a good idea to ask him to tolerate other angels right now, given the situation.”

“Given the situation _I_ think it would be in our best interest to find out what happened to Sam,” Meg cut in.

“I can’t feel Sam either. Though that’s not unusual. If he’s not in need or praying to me I wouldn’t automatically know where he is.”

“Would you know if he was in heaven?” Meg asked.

“I can take a look and ask a few angels,” Castiel offered. “I assume you have people checking hell?”

“Since the second Dean called. No word yet but it’s doubtful he’d be there.”

“I’ll check heaven. If I find out anything I’ll let you know immediately.”

*-*-*-*-*

_Sam woke to a sharp pain. Wincing he brought his hands to his face and cursed. What the hell? Moving his hands away from his face he checked for Crowley. The demon was thrashing on bed next to him. Sam groaned. He hated that Crowley still had nightmares. It was more than the occasional injury he ended up suffering. His demon deserved some peace after having to go through everything he’d had to endure._

_“Please,” Crowley whimpered._

_“Sh, baby,” Sam whispered._

_Leaning over Sam cautiously put an arm over Crowley. The demon shoved Sam’s arm off of him. Sam caught Crowley’s arms and held them which only made Crowley tremble harder._

_“Please,” Crowley begged again._

_Sam moved over until he was laying next to his demon. Carefully he wrapped an arm over Crowley’s waist and held him. The terrified whimpers emanating from Crowley angered Sam. It was probably a good thing Lucifer was still trapped in the cage because Sam wouldn’t have been able to stop himself from confronting Lucifer if it were possible. It didn’t matter if the devil could wipe the floor with him or not._

_“Sam,” Crowley gasped suddenly as his eyes shot open._

_“Sh, baby. It’s me. It’s just me here,” Sam soothed._

_“Sam,” Crowley whispered as he twisted to snuggle against Sam._

_“It’s okay baby, you’re safe,” Sam told him as he rubbed Crowley’s back. “Would it help to talk about this one?”_

_Crowley shook his head vigorously still clinging to him and Sam sighed. There wasn’t much he could do to help if Crowley wouldn’t talk about the dreams. This was the fourth nightmare they’d had this week. He was starting to get worried about Crowley. If Crowley had another nightmare he was going to press Crowley to discuss the dream whether he wanted to or not. For now he went back to soothing his demon._

*-*-*-*-*

“Are you crazy?”

“Keep your voice down.” Samael eyes drifted to the human. When he didn’t show any signs of stirring Samael breathed a sigh of relief. “And no, I’m not crazy. If we can break the bond then the demon knight will go insane. Eventually he’ll get himself killed.”

Arariel sputtered for several moments at the very idea. “But… Crowley…”

“Do you really feel comfortable with a Knight of Hell roaming the Earth?”

“Cain is still on the Earth,” Arariel pointed out.

“And he could pick up the First Blade and return to killing at any moment. We don’t need two of them wandering the Earth amongst the humans. Also, the spell was being done differently. Crowley wouldn’t be able to control himself half as much as Cain. We just need to break their bond. If nothing else we can bond him to one of us instead. Besides, with the demon blood in the younger Winchester, having a Knight of Hell at his disposal is a chance we just can’t take. The bond between Crowley and Sam must be broken.

*-*-*-*-*

When Crowley didn’t make it down for dinner Bobby was almost tempted to let it pass. If it had been under any other situations he probably would have let it pass. With Sam missing and the bond fritzed, frazzled or whatever the fuck it was, there was no way he was letting the demon spend too much time alone. Making his way up the stairs he knocked on the door then opened it without waiting and stuck his head into the room.

“Dinner,” Bobby called.

“Not hungry,” Crowley answered.

“Boy, you get your butt downstairs and fix a plate. Hungry or not, you’re not skipping meals on my watch.”

“I said not hungry,” Crowley growled.

“I don’t believe I offered you a choice in the matter. You told us you need to socialize sometimes-”

“To remember I’m not in hell! I know I’m not there anymore!”

“For how long? Remember what happened before we got Sam back the last time?”

“Of course I bloody remember!”

“You better stop shouting at me in _my_ house,” Bobby warned. 

Crowley winced and bit his lower lip. “Sorry, I just… remember what it was like without him here. What if…” 

“Nope. Stop right there. We’ll find him Crowley. Just like last time.”

“Last time we knew where he was and we barely got him back.”

“We’ve lost him before and we’ve always gotten him back. We’ll get him back again.”

“You can’t promise that it’ll be in time. Bobby?”

“Yeah?”

“If… If it gets to be too late don’t stop Meg. Please?”

“We’ll cross that bridge when we get there. For now, dinner.”

“You really aren’t going to give up on that are you?”

“Nope.”


	2. Chapter 2

“Crowley?”

Crowley lifted his head off his knees and turned to face Dean.

“You okay over there?”

“You don’t have to check up on me every five minutes,” Crowley told him before dropping his head back onto his knees. 

When dinner was over he had opted to join the rest of them in the library. Bobby and Dean researched… something. Crowley wasn’t sure researching was going to turn up much on an obscure bond that had been altered by an Archangel. Meg lounged on on the couch reading something and occasionally glancing over to him. Adam sat in a chair on the far side of the room watching everything. Crowley had chosen to sit in his favorite chair, draw his knees up and mourn the loss of his love.

Dean chose not to respond to Crowley’s retort but it was just as well. There really wasn’t anything to say at this point. Sam was gone, the bond was severed and Crowley had already experienced what happened when he didn’t have a focus. Tracking Sam’s phone hadn’t worked for some reason or another. Crowley honestly hadn’t paid much attention. Mourning Sam wasn’t all that useful in the grand scheme of things but it made Crowley feel better than doing useless research. 

He was grateful that no one tried to pity him. He couldn’t stand anyone else near him right now let alone touching him. Worse would be if they tried to insist Sam was fine and nothing had happened to him. Obviously something had happened to him or the bond wouldn’t be severed. As much as he wanted his Sam back there was no way Crowley was going to harbor false hope. Someone cleared their throat near him and Crowley raised his head again. Adam stood next to Crowley holding one of Sam’s flannel over-shirts. Instantly his jealousy flared and Crowley growled at the kid.

“It was on the floor by my chair. I just thought…” Trailing off Adam held the shirt out to Crowley. 

Crowley snagged the shirt and pressed it against his chest. Adam stared for a few seconds before turning to head back to his own chair. Immediately Crowley felt ashamed. “Adam?” The kid stopped moving and glanced back.

“I’m sorry. I just…”

“Miss him, I know.”

Crowley glanced at the shirt Adam had handed him and back to Adam. “Thank you.”

Nodding once Adam made his way to his chair and sat down again. Crowley bit his lower lip and chewed on it thoughtfully. He needed to know if it had been sheer jealousy that had caused the reaction or if it had been a reaction to the bond being severed. He would _not_ take a chance on hurting anyone Sam cared about.

*-*-*-*-*

“Should we move him,” Dean whispered.

“Naw, let him sleep. Until we find something useful the more he sleeps the better,” Bobby told him.

“I’ll stay and watch him,” Meg stated with a shrug. “Nothing else to do.”

“You going to stay until he wakes up?” Bobby asked.

“Or longer,” Meg shrugged. “Unless something urgently requiring my attention comes up I’m here for the foreseeable future.”

“And if something requiring your attention comes up?” Dean asked.

“Then I tell one of you two. After I deal with whatever came up and kill the demon that interrupted me then I come back here.”

“Can I ask you something?” Dean questioned.

“Shoot for it.”

“What’s your deal? I mean why are you even here?”

“Aside from not wanting to have a rampaging Knight of Hell on the loose, you mean?”

“Yeah, aside from that.”

“I’m here because I’m the next closest thing Crowley had to a bond-mate.”

“Bond-mate?”

“His words, not mine. Hopefully my presence will forestall some of the nasty consequences. Also, I was the one that had to take care of him in hell after Lucifer was finished torturing him. I know how to deal with Crowley if he reverts backwards too far.”

“What happens if you can’t deal with him?”

“Then neither of you will have a chance at controlling him either and you better hope I can kill him.”

“So you’re flat out telling us you might kill him and you want us to leave you alone with him?”

“I’d only kill him as a last resort. Your job is to find your brother before it gets that far, so you might want to start focusing on that instead of little old me.”

Scowling, Dean turned and stalked out of the room followed by Bobby.

“Would you really kill him?” Adam asked.

“If it came down to that then yes. There’s a point at which it would become a mercy for both him and those around him.”

“Can’t you just, bond or whatever with him like Sam did?”

“No one can bond with him like Sam did. Their bond was unique. I might be able to force some semblance of a bond with him but it would be too fragile to trust and he would fight me every step of the way. The only person who could come close to fully bonding with Crowley would be Lucifer.” 

Adam shuddered

“Yep,” Meg agreed.

*-*-*-*-*

“Castiel’s been asking questions about him,” Arariel stated with a nod toward the human.

“You and I are the only ones that know the human is here. Let Castiel ask his questions,” Samael told the other angel. 

“He’s their guardian. He’s not going to give up. If Castiel can’t find him-”

“Enough. We just need to stall him long enough to break their bond.”

“And you’re sure you can keep him unconscious the whole time?”

“Yes and this dimension will keep the bond from functioning until the demon snaps. When that happens we bond him to one of us. If we can’t then we can kill him. After that we can release the human from the dream state and Castiel can have his charge back. All parties get what they want.”

“Not the demon,” Arariel pointed out.

“Since when do we care about demons or their feelings,” Samael countered.

*-*-*-*-*

_“Crowley?”_

_When Crowley didn’t answer Sam frowned. He went in search of his demon. The light was on in the bathroom and the shower was running. Opening the door he was hit by a hot and muggy blast of steam._

_“Crowley?”_

_Still no response. Moving forward Sam reached for the shower curtain and pulled it backwards. He frowned when he didn’t find anyone._

_“Sam?”_

_Instantly Sam turned and checked behind himself. There was no one there._

_“Crowley, where are you?”_

_“I’m right here.”_

_“I can’t find you,” Sam called back._

_The steam in the room thickened and Sam put a hand on one of the walls as he made his way to the door. No matter how far he walked the door stayed just ahead of him. Something was telling him he needed to find Crowley. Desperate Sam checked the bond to see if he could sense Crowley’s presence. He froze instantly when he didn’t feel anything at all through the bond._

*-*-*-*-*

“Sam!” Crowley shouted, sitting upright instantly.

“You’re dreaming Crowley.”

Crowley whipped his head to the right and found Meg still lounging on the couch thumbing through a book. Dreaming? He had been so sure he could feel Sam.

“I thought, for a moment…”

Meg cocked her head and eyed him.

“Never mind.”

“Crowley, you’re the one with the bond to Sam. If anyone’s going to know anything about it, it would be you.”

“I just thought I could feel him; just for a second.”

“How sure are you?”

“I’m not.”

“Dean and Bobby went out a while ago. Don’t know when they’re coming back. The kid’s around somewhere.”

“Adam,” Crowley replied automatically.

Meg shrugged.

“Has Castiel checked in yet?”

“Yep, as well as my demons. No word on Sam in heaven or hell. How are you feeling?”

“You have to ask?”

“Yep, sure do, sweetie pie. If you’re about to go all ‘Hulk smash’ I’d really like a warning first.”

Crowley stared at her for a moment. “The Hulk? Really Meg?”

“You did say you liked green.”

Crowley rolled his eyes. The front door opened and Crowley shot to his feet. Instantly he put himself between Meg and the doorway. With Sam gone Crowley’s protective instincts kicked into overdrive. He had to know whatever was coming through that door wouldn’t harm Meg.

“Good you’re awake,” Dean announced as he and Bobby entered the living room.

“Just what do you think you’re doing, Crowley,” Meg asked.

“House isn’t warded against demons, just them blinking in here. Also all kinds of other things could find their way here.”

“I’m a big girl. I can take care of myself.”

Crowley rounded on her. “Sam could take care of himself too and he’s gone. Probably dead for all I know. The absolute last thing I need is to lose you too,” he shouted. For a while no one spoke. 

“Um, I have a question.”

Crowley untensed slightly at the sound of Adam’s voice. Turning he found Adam standing next to Bobby and Dean in the archway leading into the library. Taking a deep breath Crowley released it. He couldn’t risk his temper getting out of hand. Besides, what the hell was he doing yelling at Meg? He owed her for helping him to escape Lucifer.

“Yes?” Crowley asked when he was finally calmer.

“I know you’ve checked heaven and hell, but aren’t there other places you could try. I mean the pit was set aside in another place, right?”

“Another plane of reality, yes,” Crowley answered slowly. “So there would be no accidentally accessing it.”

“And you don’t feel Lucifer anymore, right?”

“Are you suggesting Sam is in the pit?” Dean asked.

“No,” Crowley answered. “I think he’s suggesting alternate planes.” Crowley paced as he thought about it. There were a few planes that might block their connection. Planes that drew in energy but didn’t release it back. For Sam to be in one of those planes… Turning back his eyes shot to Meg’s.

“I’ll start with the demonic based ones then move to the neutral ones,” Meg stated.

“If you find him-”

“Whatever demon took him is yours,” Meg answered heading for the front door.

Crowley called back over his shoulder as he followed her. “Dean?”

“Yeah,” Dean answered. 

“Contact Castiel. Tell him keep his angels out of my way and pray one of them didn’t take my Sam.” The second he hit the door he blinked to the first angelic based plane he could think of.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Added a picture at the end of the story for visual reference of the wings in case needed.

“How long have they been gone?” Castiel asked.

“A few hours. Meg went to check the demonic planes and Crowley said he was starting with the angelic based planes,” Dean told him.

Castiel frowned. “Angelic energy will be harmful to a demonic entity.”

“Could it kill him?” Bobby asked.

“Perhaps. If he was only a demon and he stayed too long then it might. With the changes to him caused by Lucifer trying to make him a Knight of Hell? Who knows. It might help protect him from the energy on those planes or it could make it worse.”

“Can you find him?” Bobby asked.

“Possibly. A demon in an angelic plane would cause a disturbance in the planes intrinsic energy. If I get close enough I should be able to feel it.”

Castiel stopped talking when he heard the sound of the front door opening. The door shut and several seconds Meg rounded the corner and entered the library. He eyed her, hopeful that she had found Sam.

“Nothing in the demonic planes,” she told them. “Any word from Crowley?”

“Not yet,” Dean informed her.

“Damn it. Hopefully he finished checking the angelic planes and moved to the neutral ones.”

“Did you know the angelic planes could hurt him?” Dean asked.

Meg shrugged. “Wouldn’t have mattered. Nothing we could do would have stopped him and they had to be checked. With Sam missing he’s become overprotective of those he cares for. There’s no way he would have let me check them.”

“Damn it,” Dean cursed.

“I’ll check them and see if I can’t find him,” Castiel stated.

“Good,” Meg replied with a sharp nod. “The quicker he gets done with those places the better I’ll feel.”

Castiel gave a curt nod and ported away.

-

“You still should have told us,” Dean huffed.

“You would have tried to stop him. As long as there was a chance he might find Sam you weren’t going to be able to stop him. It would have just caused unnecessary drama,” Meg argued.

“You still should have said something. What happens if he finds Sam but Crowley ends up permanently hurt or dead?”

“The chances of that happening are low. It wasn’t worth the fight it would have caused trying to stop him from going.”

“If anything happens to him I’m blaming you,” Dean told her.

Meg shrugged indifferently.

*-*-*-*-*

The one thing that helped was that Sam’s presence in any of these planes wouldn’t cause a disturbance in the basic energy. It would take Crowley longer to search them than Castiel. At least he could sense if the demon had been to any of the planes and approximately how long ago. He would still have to take some time to get the feel for the whole plane but not nearly as long as it would take Crowley to search for Sam.

Along the way whenever he would run into any other angels Castiel would ask them if they had felt anything odd. So far no one had felt anything out of the ordinary. Castiel recruited the other angels to help him search the planes and report back to him if they found anything. A part of him desperately hoped there would be nothing to report. That would mean that Crowley was no longer on any of the angelic planes and therefore safe from their effects.

Castiel shifted planes again and instantly felt the residual energy that signified a demon had recently been here. The only demon with cause to visit an angelic plane was Crowley. Pausing Castiel concentrated trying to get a feel for how long ago it was since the demon had been here. Not too long ago but not recently enough for the demon to still be on this plane. He jumped planes once again.

*-*-*-*-*. 

“The demon is searching the angelic planes. It’s only a matter of time before he finds this one,” Arariel informed Samael.

Samael frowned at the news. “Gather the others,” he commanded.

“They might agree with this but I don’t think they’re willing to die for it,” Arariel said cautiously.

“With enough of us we can subdue the demon,” Samael stated dismissively.

“I’m not sure-”

“Just gather the others,” Samael growled. “The demon is devolving rapidly now. It won’t be too much longer before the bond is completely broken. We just need to subdue him for a little longer.”

*-*-*-*-*

Arriving in one of the few angelic planes left to inspect Crowley froze. He recognized the feel of his Sam no matter how faint the energy of the bond. His Sam was here, he was sure of it. Crowley growled. His Sam couldn’t blink or port on his own. If his Sam was here then someone had brought him here, most likely against his will. He took one step forward before he paused again. Angels.

Straightening Crowley waited. The angels were on their way to him, there was no reason to move. They would be here soon enough. In a matter of seconds several angels ported nearby. Crowley growled at the sight of them. None of the angels present had any residual traces of the energy from the bond. So, none of these angels had been anywhere near his Sam, Crowley reasoned.

The angels closed in and Crowley eyed them carefully. He would love nothing more than to kill them and be on his way but that might upset his Sam. No, despite his wishes he would have to try to do as little damage as possible. He would save his rage for whoever it was that had taken his Sam. Setting his stance he waited for the first to approach.

When the first angel advanced Crowley readied himself for the attack. The angel lashed out with a blast of Grace. As he watched the bolt of Grace streak towards him something seemed to click in his mind. Instinct took over. While his power felt different as he drew upon it he didn’t pay it any attention. His energy settled around him and when the angel’s Grace hit the Grace dissipated. Crowley struck out with his energy and the angel went flying backward. There was a moment where no one moved before several angel’s attacked.

*-*-*-*-*

Castiel ported to the next angelic plane and was almost hit by a blast of Grace. Pulling on his own Grace Castiel prepared to defend himself. Quickly he took in the scene. Crowley was being attacked by five angels at once. Three other angels stood nearby watching everything. Two angels lay on the ground too injured to attack but still alive. Crowley released another bolt of energy and Castiel frowned. 

The bolt of energy struck one of the angels attacking Crowley before Castiel could be sure but he could have sworn it was intermixed with Grace. That couldn’t be right, could it? Castiel concentrated on the next bolt of energy Crowley released. The energy was mostly demonic in nature but it was twinged with Grace. With a mix like that… Quickly Castiel turned to watch the energy hit it’s mark. The blast knocked the angel off his feet temporarily but didn’t do anywhere near as much damage as it could have. He watched the answering blast from the angel. Crowley was holding back, the angel was not.

He couldn’t let this continue. Drawing on his Grace Castiel circled slowly so when he released it he wouldn’t catch Crowley. He figured it would be better if he timed his attack with Crowley’s. When Crowley released another blast of energy Castiel attacked a split second later. Crowley’s attack had begun to throw the nearby angels backward but not before Castiel’s energy hit them as well. The three on looking angels finally noticed Castiel’s appearance and ported away. Crowley spun around and brought up his hands. Castiel held his arms out, palms facing Crowley.

“Peace. I am here to help,” Castiel told Crowley.

“Sam,” Crowley growled.

Castiel nodded once in understanding. Sam was here. Walking forward, shoulder to shoulder with Crowley, Castiel approached the remaining angels. The angel's gaze flicked between the two of them before, one by one, they all turned to face one of the other angels laying on ground with them. The angel eyed Crowley carefully before turning to Castiel.

“This demon is under your protection?” the angel asked.

“His mate is,” Castiel informed him. “Sam Winchester, as well as his brother Dean, are my charges.”

The angel turned back to inspect Crowley carefully before giving a brief nod and porting away. The other four angels that had been attacking Crowley followed suit. Soon all that was left were the two injured angels watching the exchange. Beside him, Castiel could feel Crowley drawing on his energy once again. Castiel placed a hand on Crowley’s shoulder. Crowley turned abruptly and shoved Castiel away from him. Breathing heavily, his jaw clenched, Crowley glared at him. 

It was then that Castiel finally took a good look at Crowley. There were some injuries he had probably sustained during his fight with the angels but they weren’t too major. The injuries the demon had suffered were the least of the problem. It was obvious the innate angelic energy of the plane was clearly taking its toll on the demon as well as the prolonged separation from his mate. They had to find Sam.

“Sam is what matters,” Castiel whispered.

After a tense moment Crowley gave one sharp nod and they started off to find Sam together. As the pair made their way across the plane Castiel followed Crowley’s lead. If anyone was likely to be able to feel their way to Sam it would be Crowley. After a while Castiel felt the presence of angels once again. Concentrating he focused on their energy trying to discern who they were. Samael and Arariel, Castiel finally realized. 

I might have known, he thought to himself. Arariel was very much a follower not a leader. Samael had always hated the fact that they couldn’t rid the world of Cain. When Lucifer had tortured Crowley and twisted his energy turning him into something close to the Knights of old it made sense that Samael would want Crowley dead as well. That still didn’t explain abducting Sam, Castiel mused. Holding Sam would only serve to break the bond and leave Crowley without a focus point. Castiel almost stumbled when that thought crossed his mind. Break Sam and Crowley’s bond. The only reason to break their bond and not kill Crowley would be to rebind Crowley to someone else.

“Stop right there,” a voice commanded.

“Arariel,” Castiel said blandly.

“Castiel,” Arariel greeted sounding nervous.

Castiel fought not to roll his eyes. “You are holding my charge.”

“You are assisting a Knight of Hell,” Arariel countered.

“You will return my mate,” Crowley hissed.

Castiel turned to eye the demon and was stunned. Dark black wings had manifested on Crowley’s back. The framework cartilage of them was black, the feathers near the top were dark and glossy. The farther down they went the more translucent the feathers became until, near the bottom, they almost looked like wisps of smoke. 

“Return my mate,” Crowley repeated in a dangerous voice.

Without warning a blast of Grace slammed into Crowley. Castiel’s head shot to where the blast had originated. He had just enough time to register the attacker as Samael before Crowley released a blast of his own energy. Samael fell to the ground dead and Castiel shot his glance back to Arariel just in time to see the other angel draw and prepare to release a blast of Grace at Crowley. Castiel brought up his hands and released his own blast of Grace to defend Crowley. Before he knew it, Arariel lay dead on the ground. Crowley stared at the second dead angel for several moments.

“You killed one of your brethren for me,” Crowley stated evenly.

“He was going to kill you,” Castiel stated, stunned at what he had done.

Crowley watched Castiel for a few more moments and Castiel felt as if he was being scrutinized. He shifted uncomfortably under the demon’s gaze, waiting. Without another word Crowley turned and stalked forward. Castiel followed. Sam lie, unmoving, on a stone table Castiel recognized as a sacrificial table used by a civilization long since forgotten. It made Castiel sick just to see his charge lying on the table, as still as if he were dead. 

“Sam,” Crowley whispered. 

As he made his way forward Crowley stumbled slightly. As he neared the table Crowley dropped to his knees and leaned forward. Closing his eyes he laid his head on Sam’s chest and draped his wings over Sam. Weariness radiated off of Crowley as he held Sam and Castiel realized there was no way Crowley was going to be able to port back to the material plane on his own. Cautiously Castiel made his way forward and placed a hand on Crowley’s shoulder. Crowley’s eyes shot open and he glared at Castiel briefly before realizing who was touching him. Crowley’s eyes softened slightly and closed once more. 

Castiel placed his other hand on Sam and ported them back to Sam and Crowley’s room at Bobby’s house. Rather than try to retrieve the blanket they were lying on top of Castiel crossed the room and snagged the one from Crowley’s bed using that one to cover them. Finally he made his way downstairs to inform the others. When he entered the library Dean stood up from the chair he’d been sitting in and everyone turned to face him.

“We found Sam,” he told them.

“How is he?” Dean asked concerned.

“I’m not sure. He’s been spelled into a deep sleep. I need to do research to figure out how to break it.”

“And Crowley?” Meg asked.

“Crowley’s…” Castiel paused briefly trying to figure out how much to share. “Crowley’s as good as can be. The angelic energy from the planes took their toll. I think he’ll be okay when he’s had time to recover.”

“What aren’t you telling us?” Meg asked as she eyed him suspiciously.

“Perhaps it would be better to show you,” Castiel sighed.

Everyone stood and followed Castiel back up the stairs to Sam and Crowley’s room. Opening the door Castiel briefly glanced inside before stepping back. The rest of the group moved to look into the room. No one spoke for several moments. Finally Bobby broke the silence.

“Am I seeing things or are those…”

“Wings,” Castiel confirmed.

“How is that possible?” Meg asked.

“I would guess that it has something to do with what Lucifer was doing to him.”

“If he’s got wings now,” Dean began.

“What else is he capable of,” Castiel finished.  
  
  



	4. Chapter 4

Raising a hand Crowley brushed Sam’s hair away from his face and smoothed it back behind his ear. He was still excruciatingly exhausted. He needed to rest more but he didn’t dare take his eyes off his Sam. There was an overwhelming sense of dread that if he closed his eyes for even a second Sam would disappear. As unlikely as that was it didn’t help to alleviate his fears. Safe, Crowley reminded himself. His Sam was in his arms and safe once more.

Damn he was tired. Crowley stifled a yawn. He had already checked Sam for any injuries and hadn’t found any. Still, Crowley remained worried he hadn’t been able to wake Sam. He wanted to go find someone to check on Sam but steadfastly refused to leave him. Sam had a pulse and was breathing, the rest could wait. For now Crowley needed to conserve his strength in case a threat showed up and he had to protect Sam.

While he couldn’t remember how they’d gotten home, in all honesty, Crowley really didn’t give a fuck. As long as he had Sam and they were safe everything else was irrelevant. Maybe he should be more concerned but that required too much effort at the moment. Later he would worry about the trivial details for now he was content merely to lay next to his Sam. Snuggling closer he rested his head on Sam’s chest and sighed happily. As tired as he was he forced himself to stay awake and mindful for any potential threat.

-

The door to the bedroom opened and Crowley’s muscles tensed. Instantly he drew Sam into his arms protectively and moved until he was sitting with back against the wall. He snarled at the intruder as they entered the room. At first his mind wouldn’t process who was here, only that they could pose a threat. It took a few seconds for him to realize the person was saying something to him. Still tense Crowley forced himself to focus. 

“Dean?” Crowley asked, still tense and wary.

“Yep, just me. It’s okay Crowley. No one is going to hurt Sam.”

Crowley flicked his eyes down to check on Sam briefly before meeting Dean’s eyes again.

“I just want to check on him. That’s all. He _is_ my brother.”

_'Brother. Yes, Dean was Sam’s brother. Dean would never hurt Sam. Dean would protect Sam. Dean was safe. He could let Dean closer to his Sam.'_ Crowley started relax when he heard the footsteps of another person coming down the hallway. Tightening his grip on Sam again Crowley gave another wordless snarl. 

Dean raised his hands and held them up palms out. “It’s okay, Crowley. It’s only Meg, Meg won’t hurt Sam either, okay?”

While the name pulled at something deep inside him Crowley ignored the feeling. He had to protect his Sam. When the other person entered the room Dean put a hand on her arm and stopped her. Turning she glared at Dean.

“What the fuck Winchester?” she asked angrily. 

Crowley gave a loud growl. If needed he would defend Sam’s brother as well. A strange feeling continued nagging at the edges of his subconscious but he continued to ignore it. The new arrival turned slowly and eyed him carefully. Crowley stilled the second their eyes met. Images and emotions flashed through his mind and for a second he couldn’t move. 

_‘Master,’_ his bond told him. _‘Bondmate. Safe.’_

“Meg?” Crowley whispered.

“That’s right,” she told him. “It’s just me. I’m came up here to check on you. How are you feeling?”

“Must protect Sam,” Crowley replied instantly.

“Understood. No one here is going to hurt Sam, okay?”

Crowley’s eyes shifted from her to Dean and back to Meg. Dean was Sam’s brother. He wouldn’t harm him. Meg. Crowley frowned. Meg was his bondmate, he should obey her. But would she hurt his Sam?

“Crowley,” Meg stated sternly. 

Crowley sat up straighter at the tone of her voice. Even though his bond to Sam was stronger her voice still brought out a similar desire to acquiesce to her. A small whine escaped his throat as Crowley struggled to reconcile what he was feeling.

“No one is going to hurt Sam,” Meg said firmly. “I’m here to check on you and Dean just wants to check on his brother. Now, we’re going to walk closer and you’re not going to growl at us anymore. Understood?”

Crowley jerked his head down and inspected his Sam. His Sam was defenseless. Could he really let these people closer? He sensed their movement and his head shot up to watch as they approached. Dean and Meg he reminded himself. Dean might not like him but he was Sam’s brother. Dean wouldn’t harm Sam. Meg was Crowley’s other bondmate. She wouldn’t hurt him but he was worried about Sam. He gave another soft whine as they reached the bed.

“Hush,” Meg ordered. “He can’t be very comfortable like that,” she observed.

Crowley dropped his eyes back to Sam. She had a point. He really should lay Sam down and make sure he was comfortable. Keeping an eye on the others in the room Crowley turned slowly and carefully laid Sam down taking care to make sure he would be comfortable. Still keeping a wary eye on the other two Crowley covered Sam and positioned himself between Sam and the others.

“Meg?” he asked quietly.

“Yes?”

“Can we… Can we talk on the other side of the room? I know you won’t hurt him but I can’t help it. The bond doesn’t want me to let anyone near him just yet. Dean… Dean’s different. He’s Sam’s brother and protector as well. He doesn’t set me on edge as much.”

“If you promise not to fight me when I inspect you and to answer my questions honestly I don’t have a problem with that.”

“Thank you,” Crowley whispered.

-

Meg had poked, prodded, and questioned him for over an hour before she felt satisfied enough to leave for now. She informed him she would return later though she hadn’t been specific about how much later. Crowley crawled into the bed lying between Sam and the door to be able to protect him. Dean had opted to stay with Sam but sat in a chair several feet away from the bed, for which Crowley was eternally grateful.

He really didn’t even want anyone else in the same room. If he had to cope with another person in the room his bondmate’s brother wasn’t too bad. Dean loves Sam. Dean will protect Sam, Crowley chanted to himself over and over again. It wasn’t until he felt an angelic presence that he truly began to panic.

“No!” Crowley shouted. 

Scrambling out of the bed he stumbled and fell to a knee. Readying himself, still on one knee, he prepared to defend his bondmate from whatever angel dared threaten him. A second set of footsteps could be heard running down the hallway. Crowley ignored them. One angel or two, it made no difference. He would protect his Sam no matter the cost. The feel of angelic energy paused in the hallway. Crowley waited.

When the sound of footsteps reached his ears again Crowley felt for the an energy signature to tell him what to expect. So it was a demon that approached while the angel waited behind. A demon he could probably deal with, the angel would probably give him problems. He refused to move unwilling to leave his bondmate unprotected. Must protect Sam. The door opened and Crowley had barely enough time to reign in his powers before he accidentally smote her. _'Meg!'_ Crowley reminded himself. _'Safe!'_

“Crowley, can you come here for a minute?” Meg asked.

“Angel,” Crowley growled.

“It’s only Cas,” she told him.

Castiel. He’s the protector for Winchesters, he told himself. _‘Angel,’_ his bond reminded him. It had been angels that had kidnapped his Sam. He knew he should trust Castiel but he couldn’t. The connection between Sam and he still wasn’t quite right and it had been angels that caused the damage. He couldn’t force himself to let another angel close to Sam just yet.

“It was angels,” Crowley whispered. “I know Castiel won’t hurt him but it was angels that took my Sam.”

“Understood. That’s why I wanted you to come here for a second. That way he doesn’t have to enter the room.”

Crowley turned to Dean. “You’ll watch over him?” Dean nodded and Crowley chewed on his lower lip for a few seconds. He really didn’t want to leave Sam so soon after his return. He turned back to Meg. “Do I have to leave the room?”

“Nope, just come to the door for a minute. You don’t have to leave and Cas won’t have to enter. Okay?”

Crowley nodded and used the bed to help him stand. Slowly he stumbled to the door and grabbed onto the doorknob for support. Taking a few deep breaths he steadied himself. He was too tired to stand for long. He needed sleep but didn’t want to until his Sam woke. Finally he faced Meg and nodded once. Meg turned and gestured for Castiel to walk closer. As soon as the angel made his way to the door Crowley tensed. _Castiel,_ he reminded himself. _He’s the protector of the brothers._ It didn’t help his bond feel any less threatened.

“I’m going to explain what we’re going to do so you don’t panic, alright?” Meg stated.

Crowley gave another slow nod.

“Alright. Here’s what we’re going to do. Your energy is still screwed up pretty bad not to mention depleted. I’m going to help replenish some of the demonic energy you’re missing. Cas is going to help replenish some of the angelic energy.”

He listened and nodded as she told him about replenishing the demonic energy. When she got to the part where Castiel was going to use angelic energy on him he began to panic. He couldn’t help it. An angel releasing Grace into him? An angel like Lucifer? “No,” he dissented. “I won’t do it. No. No, no, no, no-”

“Crowley!” Meg snapped.

Stiffening at the command in her voice Crowley’s mouth snapped shut and he dropped his eyes to the floor.

“This is why I wanted to explain things. Castiel is not going to hurt you but your energy does need to be replenished. Because of what Lucifer did to you need angelic energy as well. This is the only thing I could think of.”

“But… he’s an angel,” Crowley whispered.

“He’s not Lucifer, Crowley. You know that,” Meg said gently.

He should know that, yes. Taking a deep breath Crowley inspected the feel of Castiel’s Grace. The basic feel of it felt the same as any other angel’s. The small differences reminded him that it was Castiel and not just any other angel. More importantly it reminded him that it wasn’t Lucifer standing in front of him. Taking another deep breath he nodded again.

“We good?” Meg asked.

“As good as it’s going to get,” Crowley muttered.

“I’ll go first since you’re more used to demonic energy,” Meg told him.

Crowley nodded, not trusting himself to speak.

Meg placed a hand on his chest and Crowley let his eyes slide closed. Meg he trusted, she wouldn’t hurt him. Somewhere deep inside he knew Castiel wouldn’t either but it was harder to trust the angel. Especially since his bond was still ‘off’. When he felt the familiar feeling of demonic energy flowing into him he relaxed. It was more than the fact that she was a demon. She was also his bondmate. The bond between them may not be as strong as the bond between him and Sam but it was still present. 

At first he reveled in the feeling. It felt wonderful having his energy replenished. Before long he began to get antsy. Something was wrong. It was too much. Feelings of anger and aggression filled his mind. He wanted, no needed, to kill something. The hand on his chest disappeared and Crowley growled. Opening his eyes he scanned the area attempting to find the reason why the demonic energy flowing into him suddenly stopped. His eyes settled on the angel. Crowley let out a loud growled and started forward. Meg’s hand on his chest stopped him.

“No,” she commanded.

Crowley growled again but didn’t move.

“I know you’re feeling off but you need to wait before you do anything rash.”

Crowley seethed. He desperately needed to hurt something. The angel raised his hand and Crowley growled loudly starting forward again. A hand on his chest stopped him once again and snarling loudly he turned to face the person stopping him from dismembering his target. He stopped short when he spied Meg. Taking another deep breath he continued breathing heavily awaiting an order.

“No,” she told him sharply. “Wait.”

Crowley gave one sharp nod and turned to glare at the angel. Why wasn’t he tearing the angel to shreds? The angel raised his hand and Crowley took a step back. His bond with Meg might keep him from attacking the angel for now but his bond to Sam made him want to kill the angel. While the angel placed his hand on Crowley’s chest Crowley snarled at the angel but didn’t move to attack him.

The second he felt angelic Grace flowing into him his muscles tensed. He should attack and kill the threat. He restrained himself because of his bond to Meg. Meg would be upset. So far the angel wasn’t threatening his Sam so it was okay for now. The second the angel threatened his bondmate was the second Crowley would attack. Breathing heavily through his nose Crowley suffered through the painful feeling of angelic Grace seeping into him. As long as it didn’t affect his Sam then it would be alright.

Slowly Crowley’s muscles relaxed. Inhaling deeply he allowed himself to relax. Meg was present and Dean was watching his Sam. He could afford to let his guard down if only slightly. If anything was going to happen he could trust his Meg to let him know. Besides, he was starting to feel better.

“Meg,” Crowley murmured. “If anything happens that might threaten Sam…” 

“Dean would kill it but I’ll let you know,” she replied.

“Thank you,” he murmured.

“Now hush,” Meg ordered.

Nodding Crowley let himself relax further. He could trust Meg with his Sam. If nothing else, his Sam had Dean to protect him. The angelic energy stopped and he snapped his eyes open looking for the angel. 

“Done,” Castiel said quietly.

“Feel better?” Meg asked.

“Tired,” Crowley answered.

“I bet,” Meg told him. “Dean,” she called into the room over Crowley’s shoulder. “Can you help him back to the bed?”

“Yeah,” Dean replied.

As worried as he was Crowley relaxed the second Dean touched his elbow. This was his bondmate’s brother. Another protector of Sam. As surprising as it was that Dean’s touch didn’t put him on edge it relieved him. One more person Sam cared for that wouldn’t hurt him. He couldn’t process how relieved it made him feel. Damn he was tired. Unable to stifle it Crowley yawned loudly. 

“You need rest,” Meg observed.

“Mm, nope. Sam,” Crowley stated. He needed to make sure his Sam was protected.

“I’ll watch over you both,” Dean told him. “You’re not going to much use to him if you don’t get any sleep soon.”

“I can’t lose him again.”

“I won’t let that happen,” Dean insisted. “Sleep. You won’t be any help to him if you don’t get any rest.”

“But…” Crowley glanced to Sam. Could he leave his bondmate without protection? He turned to Dean. No, they weren’t without protection. Dean would watch over them. “You’ll protect him, yes?”

“Yep,” Dean agreed.

Crowley fell asleep listening to Sam's heartbeat and Dean’s breathing.


	5. Chapter 5

“Is he asleep?” Cass asked.

“Yeah, but you better be quick,” Dean told him. “I don’t know how long he’ll sleep.”

“Understood,” Cass replied. Quickly he made his way into the room and placed a hand on Sam’s head. “I can reverse it but it will take time.”

“Do it,” Dean ordered. “If Crowley wakes I’ll take care of him.”

“Understood.”

.

Blinking a few times he tried to clear the sleep out of his eyes. He had a vague notion that he wasn’t supposed to be sleeping but couldn’t quite remember why. Turning he inspected the bed he was lying in. Sam. That was why he wasn’t supposed to be sleeping. He needed to protect his Sam. Tensing he started to sit when a hand on his arm stopped him. 

“Sh, baby. It’s alright. Everything is alright.”

“Sam?” Crowley asked tentatively.

“Yeah baby. It’s me.”

“Really my Sam?”

“Yeah baby. It’s me.”

“Sam,” Crowley stated instantly dropping his head to nuzzle against Sam’s side. “Mm, my Sam.”

“Yeah baby. Sh, it’s alright. I’m here now, everything’s alright.”

“Missed you,” Crowley murmured still nuzzling Sam’s side.

“Crowley.”

“Mm?”

“Please stop that.”

“Yes Master,” Crowley murmured.

“Crowley.”

“Yes?”

“I’m not your Master.”

“I know. It’s just… I missed you. You know?”

“Yeah, baby, I know. But please… Don’t call me that?”

“Never if you don’t like it. Promise.”

As Crowley snuggled against him Sam glanced around the room and caught his brother’s eyes. ‘How long,’ he mouthed. 

‘Days,’ Dean mouthed back.

Sam rolled his eyes and rubbed Crowley’s back. Dean might need reassurance but Crowley’s need was more dire at the moment. “Crowley,” Sam stated flatly. “I’m fine.”

Crowley shook his head. “Nope,” was all he said. 

“Yes baby, I’m fine,” Sam reiterated.

“Nope,” Crowley disagreed. 

Sam rolled his eyes again. “Crowley.”

“No, let me take care of you.”

“Okay baby. You can take care of me.”

“Thank you Master.”

“Crowley,” Sam sighed. “I told you not to call me that.”

“Yes sir,” Crowley murmured.

“Crowley,” Sam huffed. 

“Sir?”

“Stop calling me that.”

“Yes, Sam.”

-

“Sam,” Dean called.

Crowley growled. He literally growled and Dean rolled his eyes. “Crowley stop,” Dean ordered.

Crowley growled again and Sam ordered him to stop. Finally Crowley listened and stopped growling. Dean rolled his eyes. He needed to get Sam to eat something. Crowley could deal. For now he needed to take care of his brother.”You need to eat,” he told his brother.

“Cowley?” Sam asked.

“Mm, don’t leave me?”

“Never,” Sam assured him.

“‘Kay. Come with?”

“Yeah baby, you can come with.”

.

Stepping out of the room Crowley had enough time only to process someone new was rushing towards them. He started forward to put himself between Sam and the potential threat when a loud “Stop!” from Sam forced him to freeze in his tracks. Surprisingly the other person froze as well. Breathing heavily Crowley finally processed who was standing in front of them instantly calmed. Adam, the youngest of the brothers stood several feet away with dazed expression on his face. 

Damn, he needed to be more careful. If he had attacked the kid Sam would have been angry. Crowley frowned as he realized how badly he would have felt afterward. Somewhere along the way Adam had grown on him and the thought of causing hurt to Adam saddened Crowley. The kid had lived through his own hell and after months of struggling he was finally starting to return to the proverbial land of the living. Crowley took a step forward intent on apologizing to the boy.

“Crowley,” Sam growled from behind him.

Dropping his head Crowley turned to face Sam. “I was only going to apologize,” he whispered.

“What’s up baby? Why are you so defensive suddenly.”

He ducked his head briefly before answering. “Just got the bond back. I’m scared something’s going happen and I’ll lose it again,” he admitted.

“Nothing’s going to happen to me in this house, okay?”

Crowley nodded.

“You good?” Sam asked.

“Can I, uh, apologize now?” Crowley asked ducking his head once more.

“Yeah baby, if you’d like.”

Nodding Crowley turned back around and made his way over to Adam. “I’m sorry I almost attacked you, Adam,” he said, not able to meet Adam’s eyes.

“It’s fine,” Adam told him. “It’s partly my fault. I should have realized you’d still be a bit edgy and not run up on you the way I did. I just wanted to check on Sam. I wasn’t allowed up here earlier.”

“It was in your better interest to give them space until we could wake up Sam,” Dean told Adam.

“You got to stay with him,” Adam argued. “He’s my brother too.”

“Crowley’s not in the best place right now. I took a big chance that he wouldn’t attack me because of his bond to Sam. You? I’m not sure how he would have-”

“He would have been a better choice,” Crowley said quietly. For a while no one spoke so he continued. “Adam was the one that first suggested checking alternate planes. He is also Sam’s brother and less of a threat than you Dean. It would have been easier for me to feel safe enough to allow him around Sam than it was with you.” Crowley glanced up to Adam. “No offense intended.”

“None taken,” Adam stated.

Sam’s stomach gave a loud rumble. Crowley turned and reached a hand out for Sam to take. “Food?”

Together the four of them made their way downstairs. At the bottom of the stairs Crowley paused and inspected the energies present. Meg and Castiel were still in the house. His bond to Sam still wanted to attack angels for abducting his Sam but it realized Castiel had helped him retrieve Sam. Castiel was not a danger to Sam, he told himself. _‘Safe,’_ his bond grudgingly agreed.

“Crowley?” Sam asked.

Crowley opened his eyes. “Just sensing who was here. I didn’t want to take a chance on doing something I would regret later.”

“Cass and Meg are still here,” Dean stated watching him carefully.

Crowley managed to keep from rolling his eyes at the obvious statement. “I can feel their energies,” Crowley stated. “Kitchen?” he asked looking back to Sam.

Sam’s stomach gave another loud rumble and Crowley actually did roll his eyes. “I’ll take that as a yes,” he said before making his way to the kitchen.

The three people already in the kitchen stopped talking the second everyone entered. Crowley assessed the situation and found it acceptable. He realized the others had given careful consideration to not adding to his agitation. Castiel was standing near the far wall in a position that was as relaxed as the angel ever managed. Meg stood between Castiel and the table probably to head off any attack towards the angel if necessary. Bobby was seated in the farthest chair at the table so the entire entryway all the way to the table was clear. Something about the effort warmed Crowley but upset him at the same time.

“I am sorry if I have been unreasonable as of late,” he apologized to the people present.

“You mean you’re sorry for being a grumpy bastard?” Bobby asked cocking an eyebrow. “Don’t worry about it. Everyone else here gets that way and no one else apologizes.”

Crowley let himself smile slightly before leading Sam to the table. Someone had already cooked and Crowley inspected the food present. Needing to take care of his Sam Crowley set about making a plate for his bondmate. When he was as satisfied as he was going to get with the contents he placed the plate on the table and went to retrieve a glass. He hesitated when he tried to decide what Sam might want to drink. 

“I can get my own drink Crowley,” Sam huffed.

Crowley bit his bottom lip upset that he wouldn’t be allowed to take care of Sam.

“Or you could just tell him what you want,” Meg said loudly. “Come on Winchester, it’s clear to everyone else how much he needs to do this. How can _you_ not see it?”

Crowley frowned and tried to determine if that was an insult or an observation before committing to any course of action.

“Crowley?” Sam questioned.

Crowley turned to face Sam.

“You really need this?”

“Yes,” Crowley whispered. “I lost you and just got you back. I don’t have anything to attack anymore. I need to focus on you right now. I need to focus on you being here; your wants and needs. It helps me feel better for now.”

“Okay baby. If you really want this.”

“Drink?”

“Beer?”

Crowley frowned again. “I would appreciate it if you would wait to have a beer,” he said quietly.

Sam sighed. “Sure baby. Water?”

Crowley nodded once and filled the glass with water. After setting it on the table he set about making another plate of food. He could feel the others watching him but didn’t pay it any attention. As he set the other plate on the table he filled another glass with water and placed it on the table as well. Turning to Adam he cocked his head slightly. 

“A thank you for helping me me find my Sam,” Crowley explained.

“I really didn’t do much of anything,” Adam grumbled.

“It was your suggestion of alternate planes that led me to my Sam.”

Still grumbling and looking slightly embarrassed Adam made his way to the table. 

“Castiel,” Crowley stated.

“Yes,” the angel answered cautiously.

“I believe my bond is becoming more accepting of your presence. We should be less likely to have any unfortunate understandings. Still, if any of your brethren cross my path any time soon…” 

“Understood.”

.

When they were done they moved to the library. Crowley waited to see where Sam would sit before making his decision. When he chose the couch Crowley laid down on the couch and rested his head in Sam’s lap. Instantly Sam’s hand settled on Crowley’s back and for the first time since waking Crowley relaxed. He knew he was being clingy but he couldn’t help it. Having the bond back helped but he still needed to reassure himself Sam was truly back. 

Crowley watched as the others entered. Adam took the chair he normally used when present. Bobby sat at his desk and Dean used the chair Crowley normally adopted when in the library. Meg and Castiel chose to remain standing; Meg near the door and Castiel on the opposite side of the room. Sam’s hand moved and he slowly began running his fingers through Crowley’s hair. With the bond back and his Sam touching him Crowley gave a contented sigh and closed his eyes. 

“So anyone want to catch me up on what exactly happened?” Sam questioned.

No one spoke for several seconds before Castiel finally answered. “Angels,” he stated simply.

Crowley gave a low growl of displeasure before relaxing once more.

“So some random angels just thought, what? Lets kidnap this human for fun?” Sam asked.

“Samael and Arariel,” Castiel stated.

Crowley couldn’t care less what their names were he just wished he could kill them again.

“They kidnapped you to break your bond with Crowley.”

“Bloody bastards,” Crowley grumbled without opening his eyes.

“It was probably Samael’s idea. He never liked Knights of Hell or the fact that we couldn’t rid the world of Cain. When Lucifer twisted Crowley’s energy Samael would have seen him as a threat. Arariel was too much of a follower to come up with anything like this on his own. There is only one reason they would abduct you instead of attacking Crowley. I believe Samael was planning to break the bond to force Crowley to bond with him.”

Snarling loudly Crowley’s eyes snapped open as he glared at the angel.

“Sh Crowley,” Sam soothed. “Not going to happen.”

“I would have died before bonding to another,” he growled.

“I know, baby.”

“The others that attacked me,” Crowley pressed, still enraged. “They agreed with this angel forcing this bond onto me?”

“It is possible that Samael did not share this information with them,” Castiel replied.

“How likely? How likely is it that they knew,” Crowley demanded.

“It is unlikely that they knew Samael’s full plan. Most that were present when I found you would not have approved of such a thing. I would also like to thank you for not injuring them too severely or killing them.”

“They did not take my Sam. If I had killed them Sam would have been upset,” Crowley stated as he closed his eyes again.

The rest of the conversation progressed with only minimal outbursts from Crowley. Oddly one of the angriest outburst came from Adam. When Castiel explained the nature of the plane that Sam was being kept on Adam shouted, “Bastards!” before standing and pacing. After a few seconds he stopped and glared at Castiel. “How could they do that knowing how much the bond affects Crowley! After everything he suffered through, at the hands of an angel I might remind you, how could they take away the one thing that kept him sane! Kept him feeling safe for once!”

The shock of the outburst finally wore off as Crowley began to understand why Adam would be that upset. He had been tortured by Lucifer as well during his time in hell. “Adam,” Crowley said quietly.

Still breathing heavily Adam turned to Crowley.

“Thank you,” Crowley whispered. “And I’m sorry for what you suffered as well.”

Finally Adam seemed to calm slightly.

When the conversation was finished Crowley yawned and snuggled against his Sam. 

“I think you should get some more sleep,” Sam told him.

“Mm hm,” Crowley agreed. “Come with me?”

“Would you go if I didn’t?” Sam teased.

“If you wished it,” Crowley answered honestly. “But I wouldn’t sleep well.”

“Yes, baby, I’ll go lay down with you.”

Crowley hummed contentedly and sat up. Standing he let Sam lead him out of the library and up the stairs to their room. Truthfully even with the bond back in place he was glad when he got Sam in the room and away from any potential threat. It was stupid, Crowley knew but he hadn’t had his Sam back for a day yet. He figured he could be a little protective if he wanted.


	6. Chapter 6

After Sam and Crowley left Dean turned to Adam. The kid’s outburst had initially confused him until he finally had time to think about it. Adam had been tortured when he’d been in hell with Lucifer the same as Sam and the same Crowley. It had taken a lot to even get him to where he would even talk. Adam understood exactly what they’d been through. Dean could understand Adam’s anger that the one thing that made Crowley feel safe finally was suddenly taken from him. Not to mention it was done by angels no less; the same beings as the one that had tortured them.

“Adam,” Dean said suddenly.

Raising his head off his knees Adam turned to face him.

“I know I’ve been pretty worried about Sam lately.”

Adam shook his head and gave a dismissive snort.

“I just wanted to say I’m sorry you had to be caught up in all this too,” Dean told him.

For a while Adam was silent. “Why would they do that?” he asked finally. “They had to know the kind of pain Lucifer could inflict on us, they’re angels as well. They had to know what we suffered through. And they took away the one thing that helped Crowley deal with the pain that one of their own caused?” Adam turned to Cass. “An angel, the same as you.”

“I could explain that he was of a different choir of angels and technically not the same as I but somehow I feel that would do little to assuage your anger,” Cass replied softly.

“I’ve had enough angels to last a lifetime. Neither Crowley nor Meg ever did anything to hurt me and I’m supposed to believe _demons_ are the bad guys? Whatever, I’m going up to my room now.” Adam stood stalked out of the library angrily.

.

Dean cursed and turned to follow Adam.

“Leave it, Dean,” Bobby ordered. 

Stopping Dean turned back to Bobby. “Cass went down to hell with Crowley to rescue them. He healed Adam and Crowley both when they returned. He wasn’t involved in any way to the abduction and he actually helped Crowley rescue Sam. Again. Adam has no right to yell at Cass for any of that crap!” Dean growled.

“He wasn’t yelling at Cass, you idjit. He was yelling about angels in general. Cass just happened to be the only one present. Adam finally got to a place where he can vent about the things that were done to him. You ain’t going up there and yelling at him for finally being able to express his anger about it.”

“None of that was Cass’ fault,” Dean argued.

“He never said it was. He was just blaming angels in general. Looking at it from his perspective it’s understandable how he’d feel that way. You didn’t much like them yourself back when they were trying to get you and Sam to say yes to being vessels,” Bobby reminded him.

“That was different,” Dean insisted.

“I agree. Those angels didn’t torture you half as much as Lucifer did Adam, Crowley and Sam. I’d say those three have a pretty good reason for being as damaged as they are. It’s not any different then when we first got Crowley out of hell. Adam needs time to cope with what happened and you’re going to give it to him.”

Clenching his jaw Dean seethed. 

“Dean,” Cass said quietly.

Still seething he turned towards Cass.

“Bobby’s right. Adam’s angry. He just doesn’t know the right way to express it yet. It’s actually a good sign that he can finally let himself feel the anger. It shows he’s finally starting to process it. Crowley was the same the first time we brought him here. He was angry with Lucifer but took it out on everyone else around him at the time because he didn’t know how else to deal with it. Adam will work through this eventually, Dean. It’ll just take some time and patience.”

-

Still grumbling to himself Adam stomped up the stairs and started down the hall towards his room. He made it to his room and placed a hand on the doorknob just as the door to Crowley and Sam’s room opened. Pausing, Adam waited. Talking with Crowley might actually take his mind off of things and make him feel better. It was Sam, not Crowley who stuck their head out of the room. Sam frowned slightly before exiting and making his way to Adam.

“You okay?” Sam asked.

“Fine,” Adam growled. “No, actually, you know what? I’m not fine. I was premed. I was going to be a doctor. Then I got eaten by ghouls. Oh, but that’s okay, because you know why? I get mysteriously resurrected by angels so that I can play a part in their death match fight that will end up destroying most of the world no matter who wins. But that’s cool because that doesn’t actually happen. No, instead I get thrown into the pit with two seriously pissed off Archangels where I spend forever being tortured by the devil himself. That’s fine though because finally we get rescued. So now everything should be _‘fine’_ because I’m no longer there. I should just forget about everything that happened and not be upset about it, right?”

By the time he was done Sam was staring at him and Adam was breathing heavily, trying not to punch something.

“You don’t have to be fine to be okay,” Sam said quietly.

Adam frowned in confusion.

“Crowley says there’s a difference. For him, being fine is feeling like himself again. Being okay is more like, you know still screwed up but you’re doing good even if it’s just for now.”

“I don’t think I’m either one,” Adam whispered.

Sam eyed him but said nothing.

“What?” Adam asked annoyed.

“Nothing, it’s just you remind me so much of how Crowley was when we first brought him back here. He never wanted to discuss hell though. I understand if you don’t to but if you ever need anyone to talk to I’m here. I’m sure Crowley wouldn’t mind either but I’d appreciate it if you gave him a few more days first,” Sam stated.

“I don’t remember Crowley being this pissed off until the angels took you.”

“According to Dean and Bobby he was worse when we fell into the pit. It took them longer to get me back then and we weren’t fully bonded at the time.”

“How does the bond even work?” Adam asked.

“I don’t how it works precisely but I can tell you about the effects if-”

“Sam!” Crowley yelled seconds before he burst out of their bedroom. The moment he laid eyes on Sam Crowley rushed over and began inspecting him. Reaching out Sam grabbed Crowley’s arms and held them still.

“I’m fine Crowley,” Sam said slowly and clearly. For a few seconds they stood still, staring into eachothers eyes. Finally Crowley nodded and Sam released him. “I just heard footsteps and went to check on the person. Adam and I were just talking. That’s it. I haven’t even been out of the room for five minutes yet.”

“I… The bond…” Pausing, Crowley shook his head and began again. “ It said you weren’t close enough,” he whispered.

“Actually that’s not a bad thought,” Sam said suddenly. “Crowley, you’ve always felt the bond a little better than me. Can you explain how it works to Adam?”

“Of course,” Crowley agreed. “Um, can we do it inside the room?”

Sam let out a short laugh. “Yeah, baby. C’mon, let’s go back to the room. Adam?”

“If you don’t mind?” Adam said carefully. 

“Yeah, I’ll actually feel better if we’re in the room. The bond still gets a little wary when I can’t make sure Sam is fully protected from… well, everything,” Crowley told him.

“Okay then,” Adam replied.

.

Adam took one of the two chairs in the room and Crowley took the other. Sam lay back against the headboard of the bed and stretched out his legs. He wanted to make sure Adam didn’t feel too crowded. Crowley glanced back to him and Sam raised an eyebrow.

“Have you told him anything about the bond yet?” Crowley asked.

“I didn’t even have a chance to get the offer all the out before you woke up calling for me.”

Crowley nodded once and turned back to Adam.

“Our bond is a little stronger on my side and we’re not quite sure why. Sam thinks it’s because he’s human and I’m not. Whatever the reason, I do tend to feel it a bit more. With me it’s also a little different. There are times I feel as if it’s a part of me and other times it feels like it’s its own entity. Most of the time it’s fine. It’s just sometimes, like when we got Sam back, the bond wanted to make sure he was protected. I knew Dean wouldn’t hurt Sam but the bond didn’t even want to let him into the room. Even though I know Castiel helped me find Sam I still almost attacked him because the bond didn’t want to let any angel near Sam.”

“I yelled at him earlier,” Adam whispered.

“For any particular reason?” Crowley asked.

“I didn’t mean to yell at _him_ actually. I was just still angry about the other angels trying to break your bond with Sam. You and Sam were tortured by Lucifer as well. I may be jealous you two have help coping with everything but I don’t want it taken away from you. And for what? One power hungry angel? I still shouldn’t have taken it out on Castiel though.”

“Both Crowley and I did the same thing to him already,” Sam interjected. The other two turned to face him. “Well, technically I think Crowley did that twice. I’m pretty sure he’s used to it by now.”

“Used to it or not, it was wrong,” Adam muttered.

Sam shrugged. “You can apologize to him later if it’ll make you feel better.”

Nodding Adam turned back to Crowley. “The bond?”

“It’s just hard to know where to start. I don’t actually know how it’s cast since it’s ancient angelic magic but Lucifer did change it slightly also. The only working theory I have for the change is because the other Knights of Hell have more freedom than I. I believe he was trying to weed out independence and make any new Knights more subservient.”

“Subservient my ass,” Sam spat. “He was trying to make them slaves.” Every time he thought about it, it made him angry. Crowley was no one’s slave.

“It didn’t work Sam,” Crowley stated quietly. “I’m not a slave to him or anyone else.”

“Damn right,” Sam growled.

“The bond brings out an extreme desire to protect me in Sam,” Crowley explained.

“Something else Lucifer was unwilling to provide him,” Sam added.

Crowley nodded. "I believe that allowed the bond to initially start to attach to Meg. She was the one person in hell who ever took care of me. I knew she hated me at the time but she never hurt me. Magic likes balance; it needs it. When Lucifer didn’t hold up his end of the bargain the bond looked for another candidate.”

“Even if that person didn’t like you?” Adam asked.

“The spell didn’t require the person to like me or for me to like them. It required the master to make an effort to keep their charge safe and for me to submit to their will. That’s it. Safety for submission. Only, Lucifer never did anything but hurt me. I believe the magic would have passed him over and searched for another potential master.”

“I hate it when you use that word,” Sam grumbled, crossing his arms.

“I was only using it for an example. I wasn’t calling you that, Sam.”

“I know,” Sam sulked.

“Technically that’s what the relationship is,” Crowley explained to Adam. “It’s a magical binding master/slave type of spell. I had to come up with something else to use when I bonded with Sam though. I use the term bondmate for Sam and Meg.”

“Meg said she can’t bond with you though,” Adam interrupted.

“I ‘won’t’ bond with her like with Sam,” Crowley corrected. “I’m not really sure why I’m still partially bonded with her. I think it’s because the energy had picked Sam to bond with but he fell into the pit before completing the spell. The only person I had left for the energy to even try to connect with was Meg. But then Sam returned and eventually he completed the spell. My bond with her is weak at best. It’s nothing like what I have with Sam.”

“How is it different?”

“With Sam I can tell how close he is to me or if he’s thinking about me. I can generally also get the basic gist of how he’s feeling emotionally at the time. When we’re apart too long I start to get anxious or edgy. I don’t really get anything from Meg specifically. It’s more like I feel a need to check in with her when visiting hell. I can tell which of the demons are loyal to her and which aren’t. No matter how long it is between visits I never get edgy if I don’t see her often enough. That kind of thing.”

“Crowley?” Adam questioned.

“Yes?”

“How did you cope with what happened to you in hell? I mean, before you bonded with Sam?”

Crowley sighed heavily. “Probably the most honest answer is I didn’t. I was here for several weeks before my energy decided to start bonding with Sam. When it began I didn’t even realize what was happening at the time. It took my energy accepting Sam as a bondmate for me to even be able to leave my room. Before that I really didn’t deal with any of my issues. I’m sorry, Adam. I wish I could help you more.”

Adam merely nodded. “I think I’m going to go my room now,” he said quietly.

“If you need anything…” 

“I’ll knock on your door. Hey Sam?”

“Yeah?” 

“I think I’m… ‘okay’ for now.”

Sam nodded at that. “Got it.”

.

“Ready to head downstairs?” Sam asked after Adam left.

“Not really,” Crowley answered, fidgeting with the hem of his shirt. Okay, so technically it was one of Sam’s shirts. But really, could you blame him? He had literally _just_ gotten his Sam back.

“Crowley,” Sam stated flatly.

“Didn’t say I wouldn’t go,” Crowley muttered.

“Nothing is going to happen to me in this house Crowley. I promise.”

“I know. I just… I don’t know, it’s just the bond. I can’t help it.”

“Is it getting any better?”

“It's been slowly getting better since you’ve woken up. I don’t know how to explain it. The bond is back to normal but it’s still a little leery we might lose you again.”

“You really feel it as a separate thing?”

“Only if it wants to do something that conflicts with what my brain wishes. Like when Dean came up to see you. I _knew_ he wouldn’t hurt you. I _knew_ he was safe but the bond viewed him as a threat. It wanted to attack him for daring to enter while you were defenseless. Those are the times where it’s more like a separate entity. Most of the time both my mind and the bond are in agreement so there isn’t any problem. When that happens I just feel like myself instead of feeling like I’m split into two parts.”

“Does it…” Sam trailed off.

“Does it what?” Crowley prompted.

“Does it hurt at all?” Sam whispered.

The concern on Sam’s face caused him to crawl up the bed so he could snuggle against his bondmate. “Not in the slightest. It doesn’t hurt it just feels strange, that’s all. Okay? Like I’m arguing with myself, that’s all. Promise.”

Sam’s arms wrapped around him and a hand began rubbing his back. He had missed this so much. Crowley let his eyes slide closed as his Sam held him. He felt Sam’s concern for him through the bond and felt it relax more. Crowley sighed happily.


	7. Chapter 7

As they made their way out of the room Crowley could feel the bond arguing against the change of location. He did his best to ignore the feeling as he followed Sam down the stairs and into the library. Sam was safe here, nothing inside this house would hurt him. He wanted to take solace in the fact the others here would protect Sam if needed but the bond raged against another being responsible for his bond mate’s safety. Sam was his to protect.

“Hey,” Sam greeted the others as they entered.

The other two people in the library, Dean and Robert, greeted them. Adam was in his room and Crowley assumed Meg had gone back to hell. It made sense since the only reason she had shown up was to help keep him under control while Sam had been missing. Still, he wished she had said goodbye before she left. Crowley tried to figure out if he was becoming sentimental or if it was just the bond screwing with him.

“Cass and Meg?” Sam asked.

“Meg went back to hell and Cass went to ‘gather information’ as he put it,” Dean told them.

“What kind of information?”

“He didn’t say but I think he’s trying to figure out how much the other angels knew.”

Crowley’s lip drew upward exposing his teeth in a silent snarl at Dean’s words. He couldn’t help it. Castiel he could tolerate but even the mention other angels still set him on edge. He had to remind himself it had only been a few angels that had helped Sam’s captors. It hadn’t been all of the angels that had tried to break their bond. 

“I should have killed them,” Crowley muttered.

“I’m glad you didn’t,” Sam said quietly.

“I know,” Crowley sighed. “It’s just… I’m still angry, okay?”

“I know baby.”

“I didn’t even get to kill both of the ones that abducted you. Castiel killed the second one before I could.”

“Cass killed him?” Sam asked sounding shocked.

Crowley shrugged. “He claims the angel was preparing to kill me.”

“You don’t think it was?” Dean questioned.

“Even if he wasn’t I would have killed him. He took my Sam,” Crowley answered with another shrug. “Even if it’s worse for me when the bond is severed it still couldn’t have been pleasant for you. If they hurt my bondmate I’ll hurt them back, it’s that simple.”

“Crowley,” Sam admonished.

Crowley cocked his head and waited. Sam merely shook his head and sat down on the couch. Crowley sat down next to Sam and leaned sideways until his head rested on Sam’s shoulder. The proximity helped calm the bond slightly. While it still wanted to move Sam somewhere more secure Crowley could control it better now. The others continued talking amongst themselves. Crowley listened in long enough to realize what they were discussing wasn’t anything important before tuning out the conversation. 

If only Sam was ready for them to be intimate everything would be perfect. It wasn’t just about the sex, well not completely. He needed the connection. Part of it was because it would help soothe the bond but it was more than that. After having lost his Sam Crowley needed the connection that came with being together that way. It was hard to explain but he needed the closeness to help reassure himself Sam was truly here and safe. Still, Crowley wouldn’t press for anything. He would content himself with waiting until Sam was ready.

-

Hours later, finally back in their bedroom, Crowley watched as Sam removed his clothes and got ready for bed. Just because he wouldn’t press Sam for anything didn’t mean he couldn’t enjoy the view. Would Sam mind, he wondered vaguely. His mind told him it was stupid but the bond insisted Sam wouldn’t appreciated being ogled. Sam turned around and caught him staring. Crowley froze and waited.

“Baby?”

“Yes?” Crowley asked.

“You okay?”

“Yes Sam.”

“You just seem a little… preoccupied.”

“I won’t push you,” Crowley told Sam bluntly.

Sam frowned. “Push me?”

“Into anything. If you… If you’re not ready for anything yet…” 

“Crowley, what is it you’re trying to say?”

“If you’re not ready for sex I can wait.”

“That’s what’s wrong?”

This time Crowley frowned. “Nothing is ‘wrong’, I just didn’t want to push you.”

Walking over to Crowley Sam put his arms around him and hugged him tightly. Sam rubbed Crowley’s back softly. “Why didn’t you just say you wanted sex baby?”

“I didn’t want to press you,” Crowley murmured against Sam’s shoulder.

“Asking for sex isn’t pressuring me. Don’t worry about asking for it if you want it, okay baby?” Sam said with a light kiss to Crowley’s temple.

“I just… didn’t want to press you love.”

“Mm that’s the first time you’ve called me love since I’ve been back.”

Suddenly he was nervous. “You’re not mad are you?”

“That you called me love?”

“That I asked for sex.”

“Crowley…” 

“I’m sorry. I should have waited, I should have been more patient, I should have-”

“Crowley stop,” Sam ordered.

Instantly Crowley stiffened and closed his eyes. It wasn’t that he was scared. Sam would never hurt him, never punish him. It was merely that it was too ingrained into him to obey. It was a reflexive action whenever Sam would use that tone of voice. Not daring to move until he knew what Sam wanted Crowley waited. Sam sighed heavily before continuing.

“I’m sorry I snapped but we’ve been through this. You’re not anyone’s slave, remember?”

Crowley took a deep breath. He did know that but the bond had temporarily taken the forefront and overridden his better judgement. With the bond more in charge than anything else had automatically reacted accordingly. He took another deep breath and released it. 

“Sorry,” he muttered. “It’s the bond. I do know better but the bond insisted I should wait for you to ask for sex first. It seemed logical so I didn’t mind listening at the time. Before long I was following its wishes more than was prudent.”

“You’re still tense baby,” Sam murmured softly.

Crowley nodded. “It’s better but I’m still working on it.”

“Wanna lay down?”

Crowley nodded again and Sam directed them towards the bed. Laying down Crowley curled up next to Sam and started to relax. Being in their room, door shut, snuggled next to Sam his bond finally began to settle. He sighed contentedly.

“Better?” Sam asked.

“Better,” Crowley confirmed.

“Baby?”

“Mm?”

“Do you still want to have sex?”

“If you want it. I can wait if you’re not ready for it.”

“Crowley?”

“Yes?”

“I need it too.”

The last of the tension in his muscles melted and Crowley finally fully relaxed. 

-

Crowley hummed happily and stretched lazily. An arm settling across his chest caused his lips to twitch into a small smile. He had been right, sex with his Sam had helped to settle his bond. Opening his eyes he turned to face Sam. Judging by the look of contentment on his face Sam had needed this every bit as much as Crowley had needed it.

“I love you,” Crowley whispered.

“I love you too,” Sam whispered back. Moving closer Sam snuggled against him. “Feeling better?”

“Yes much,” Crowley affirmed.

“The bond?”

“Almost settled.”

“Would you like to talk about it?”

Crowley shook his head, closed his eyes and yawned. “Sleep?” he asked.

“Yeah baby. Sleep,” Sam told him.

Warm, safe, contented, and wrapped in Sam’s arms, Crowley drifted into sleep.

-

As they entered the kitchen they found Dean and Robert sitting at the table. Crowley led Sam to the table and began fixing a plate for him. Sam gave a look that clearly stated he would much rather fix his own plate. Crowley hesitated briefly but ultimately continued. If Sam wanted him to stop he would say so.

“Where’s Adam?” Sam asked.

“Hasn’t made it down yet,” Dean stated.

Crowley stopped moving and frowned at the remark. Adam had trouble sleeping. Adam didn’t interact much with others but also didn’t really care to be alone. Adam was usually the first one down for breakfast. If not the first then he wasn’t too far behind. Even if he appeared to be getting better he still had bad days. That Adam hadn’t made it down yet was worrisome. Turning he set the plate down in front of Sam.

“Sam?” he asked.

“Yeah?”

“I’d like to check in on Adam if you don’t mind.”

“You don’t need permission to do things,” Sam told him.

“I know, it’s just… I don’t know. I guess I was asking mostly because he’s your brother and I kind of wanted to know if you’d mind staying here.” Crowley bit his lower lip and fidgeted. For a time Sam was silent and Crowley kept his eyes downward.

“Yeah baby, I can stay here. If you need anything though…” 

“I’ll let you know,” Crowley reassured him.

“Okay baby.”

Crowley turned to leave.

“Baby,” Sam called.

Stopping Crowley turned to look back to Sam.

“Thank you. For fixing the plate, I mean.”

Crowley grinned. “Thank you for letting me do it,” he told Sam before finally leaving the kitchen and heading back upstairs. He didn’t have tell Sam why he was thanking him. Sam would know Crowley had realized his discomfort. Still Sam hadn’t said anything and allowed him to make the plate anyway. Crowley was grateful for Sam’s acquiescence. 

Making his way up the stairs he hesitated at the top. What if Adam merely wanted to be alone? Crowley shook his head. So far Adam had never shown a predilection for being by himself. Even if it was just sitting quietly in the library with the others Adam would always make his way to wherever the others were and join them. Cursing himself Crowley marched down the hall and knocked on the door. There was no answer and Crowley frowned. Should he knock again? Suddenly the door cracked open. 

“Um hi,” Crowley said awkwardly.

“Yeah,” Adam replied. “Uh, is it just you?”

“Yes,” Crowley assured him.

“Promise?” Adam asked doubtfully.

“Who else would be with me?” Crowley asked confused.

“Dean came up earlier,” Adam told him. “Threatened to break my door down if I didn’t open it.”

“Just me,” Crowley reassured him yet again.

Finally Adam opened the door all the way and stepped back. Crowley entered the room and inspected it. Until now he’d never been inside Adam’s room. A failing on his part, he realized. If he truly wanted to help the boy he should have already visited his room. 

“Um, seems a bit…”

“Lacking,” Adam offered. 

“I was going to say sparse,” Crowley answered. “So, Squirrel visited?” 

“Squirrel?”

“Dean.”

“Yeah.”

“So…”

“You want to know why I didn’t go down to breakfast don’t you?” Adam asked.

“Not really,” Crowley replied. “You didn’t go down because you couldn’t face it. The people, the charade, the game. That’s not why I wanted to visit.”

“Uh. What?”

“You can’t fake it right now so you chose to be alone.” Crowley frowned. He could be wrong. “Right?”

“Yeah, but…” 

Crowley waited.

“How did you know?”

He gave the boy an unhappy grin. Really though, he needed to stop thinking of Adam as a boy. “I know because I’ve felt the same way before. Still feel that way sometimes,” he admitted. “You’re not ‘okay’ right now so you choose to be alone.”

“Yes,” Adam agreed.

Crowley nodded. “Can I make a suggestion?”

“Yes, please.”

“Don’t.”

Adam stared at him. “Don’t what?” he asked.

“Don’t seclude yourself. Trust me, if anyone would understand how hard it is to be around others when you feel this way it’s me. It is better if you can push yourself not to be alone. If anyone has had experience with this it’s me. Please?”

“I’m not sure if I can.”

“Try?” Crowley asked.

“What if I can’t?” Adam shot back. “What if it’s too hard?”

“Then you lose nothing,” Crowley told him with a shrug. “But if you can manage it you may gain something.”

Adam was silent while he thought about it. “And you won’t be mad if I can’t do it?”

“Pfft. I won’t be mad if you never talk to another living soul.”

“Deal,” Adam agreed.

Crowley resisted the urge to smile and stuck out his hand.  
\- 

Initially Sam hadn’t been nervous. Since Adam had arrived Crowley had taken an interest in helping him. Why should now be any different? As the minutes ticked by Sam began to wonder if maybe he should be worried. Stupid, he thought. There’s nothing to be worried about, he reminded himself. Still, after everything that had happened to them Crowley still wasn’t himself and honestly Sam couldn’t blame him. He still wasn’t quite himself either. What if… His thoughts were cut short by the sound of footsteps on the stairs. 

He didn’t realize he was holding his breath until he saw Crowley enter the kitchen. Adam trailed behind quietly with his head down, eyes on the floor. He raised an eyebrow but Crowley merely shook his head and began making another plate of food. Adam sat at the table and began picking at a nick in the wood. When he was done Crowley placed the plate in front of Adam and moved to stand behind Sam.

“Adam,” Dean began.

Adam froze.

“How’s the food?” Crowley cut in suddenly.

“‘S fine,” Adam muttered, still not raising his head.

Crowley turned to eye Dean. “Good to hear,” Crowley commented still eying Dean meaningfully.

Dean frowned. 

Breakfast continued without any further conversation.

-

After breakfast the group moved to the library. Adam sat in the chair he normally took and drew up his knees. Surprisingly Crowley sat in the chair next to the on Adam had taken instead of sitting on the couch next to Sam. The part inside of him that Sam associated with the bond bristled that his mate would chose another. Stop it, Sam ordered. It’s just Adam. As the chair Crowley sat in was the one Dean normally took Dean sat on the couch next to Sam.

“Sam?” Dean asked.

He turned and saw his brother staring at him oddly.

“It’s nothing,” Sam muttered.

Crowley shot him a slightly confused look before turning back to watch Adam. Sam’s bond prickled, insisting that being ignored in favor of another was unacceptable. No, being jealous that he wants to help my brother is unacceptable, he told the bond. Great, now I'm talking to it like it's a separate thing. I sound like Crowley Sam thought.

“Sam?”

Sam raised his head at the sound of Crowley’s voice.

“Would you like me to sit next to you?”

“No baby, it’s fine.”

Crowley cocked his head and eyed him carefully. 

“It’s just the bond. It’s fine baby, don’t worry about.”


	8. Chapter 8

The following few days were filled with a few new revelations for Crowley. One of the most notable revelations was that he no longer had to touch Adam to get a sense for where his loyalties lay. Adam's loyalties were another surprising revelation. Adam was actually starting to feel a sense of loyalty to the people present. Crowley was more than surprised to find himself not only as one of the people Adam trusted but at the top of the list.

So far Adam seemed to be having more ‘good’ days than bad but it would probably be awhile before he was back to ‘normal’. He was dealing with things relatively well all things considered. Crowley doubted he would ever have been able to deal with anything he’d been through if it hadn’t been for Sam. Speaking of Adam… Crowley made a mental note to check in on him later. For now it was late and all Crowley wanted to find Sam and spend time with his bondmate before they went to sleep.

Perhaps the most startling revelation was that Sam’s side of the bond had changed. The exact nature of the change eluded him but Sam now felt it more similar to how Crowley felt it. What caused the change Crowley didn’t know for sure but he suspected it had something to do with Sam being trapped on the angelic plane when the angels had been trying to break the bond. There was a brief flare of anger at the memory but all in all Crowley’s bond was mostly settled once more. At least that much was finally back to normal. 

Opening the door he stood there for a moment watching his Sam. Sam was lying in bed, covered and facing away from the door. Ever since Sam’s side of the bond began getting stronger he spent more and more time in the room. Crowley was beginning to get a little worried about that. When his bond acted up he preferred to spend more time with Sam, not less. Closing the door quietly he made his way to the bed and laid down behind Sam.

“Missed you,” Sam whispered.

“I missed you too love,” Crowley whispered back. “You could always come downstairs and spend time with me during the day if you wanted.”

Sam shook his head.

“Would you like me to stay up here with you tomorrow?”

There was a hesitation before Sam turned over to face him. “Not if you don’t want,” Sam told him. “If you have things you want to do like read or… or check on Adam…”

“I could always read up here if you wanted.” Crowley paused briefly. “Sam, does it really bother you that I spend time with your brother?” Crowley asked.

“Not really. I don’t think it’s the person that matters. It’s more like the bond gets angry when it feels like you want to be with anyone else more than me.”

Crowley gave a small smile and put a hand on Sam’s cheek. “I will never want to spend time with anyone _more_ than with you,” he answered quietly.

“I know that in my mind,” Sam told him. “It’s just the bond, you know?”

“Yes love. I know that feeling well.”

Crowley moved his hand to brush Sam’s hair back away from his face before putting his arm over Sam and snuggling closer. “Usually though it’s my bond that acts up not yours.”

“I know. I don’t know why it’s different now.”

“I have a guess,” Crowley offered. When Sam looked at him expectantly Crowley continued. “I think that when the angels were trying to break the bond it stopped the energy from being able to flow back and forth like normal. The energy I normally get from you and you from me stopped being able to flow between us. I think it created a backlog of energy. When it was finally able to flow freely I think you were inundated with an excess of energy, specifically my energy, which overwhelmed your bond.”

“Do you think it will go back to normal eventually?”

“Maybe,” Crowley answered doubtfully.

“You don’t sound too sure.”

Crowley shrugged. “It’s not like there’s any previous cases to study. The best I would be able to do is seek out Cain and ask his opinion but…”

“No,” Sam growled.

Crowley smiled. “It’s fine Sam. Even if I wanted to talk to him I wouldn’t know where to begin looking for him.”

“Promise me you won’t go near him,” Sam demanded.

“Never on purpose my love,” Crowley assured him.

“If he ever hurt you,” Sam trailed off.

“Sh, love. Nothing is going to happen to me.”

Sam nuzzled his face into the side of Crowley’s neck and murmured softly.

“Sh love,” Crowley comforted. A smile twitched at his lips as he realized usually their positions were reversed. Usually it was Sam comforting him. Remembering how nice it felt when Sam would comfort him Crowley wrapped his arms around Sam and held him. “I’m not going anywhere love. Everything is alright, I’m here.” Softly he repeated the comforting words Sam had used often to soothe him. Eventually Sam’s head drew back and their eyes met.

“I love you,” Sam voiced quietly.

“I know,” Crowley told him. “And I love you too.”

Sam smiled before leaning down for a kiss. Closing his eyes Crowley relaxed and let Sam take charge. Suddenly Sam’s grip on his shoulders tightened to slightly too painful. Crowley opened his eyes and shifted slightly trying to move his shoulders. Sam growled and tightened his grip. Crowley winced and relaxed as much as he could. This was Sam. Sam would never hurt him, he told himself.

“Need you,” Sam growled against Crowley’s mouth.

“Anything you want,” Crowley answered honestly. He could never deny his bondmate anything he truly wanted and Crowley could feel Sam’s need coursing through their bond.

Sam drew back and eyed him hungrily. “No,” Sam insisted. “I can’t be gentle this time.”

As Sam started to move off of him Crowley’s mind raced. He knew Sam wanted this, why would he not follow through? Gentle. Everything clicked and finally Crowley understood what it was that Sam needed. In the past it had always been he that instigated their more rough sessions. Now Sam was the one that needed it and he was afraid of putting pressure on Crowley or hurting him. Crowley reached out and gripped Sam’s upper arms before Sam could fully move off of him. When Sam looked back to him Crowley shook his head.

“It’s fine. You don’t have to be gentle.”

Still half on and half off of Crowley Sam froze eying him carefully.

“Please Master?”

Sam tensed even more and his breath hitched. Master was the word he used when he need Sam to dominate him. By using the title he hoped to convince Sam he was truly okay with this. Crowley remembered the rules. Straightening as much as he could with Sam still laying partially on him Crowley repeated the sentences Sam required him to say before they could even begin. “Yes, Master I want this. I know I can say stop. I know you won’t hurt me more than I like. I know you will stop even if I don’t say it if you think something is wrong. I know you love me.”

Sam’s eyes slid closed as his breathing quickened.

“Please,” Crowley whispered, tilting his head slightly to expose his neck.

“Are you really sure about this Crowley?” Sam whispered with his eyes still closed.

“Yes Master,” Crowley assured him.

Sam finally opened his eyes and this time it was Crowley whose breath hitched. Sam pushed himself off of Crowley fully and sat on the bed beside him. Crowley let his arms fall to the bed as Sam moved. “Then remove your clothes. Now,” Sam ordered. Crowley sat up in a rush and hurried to do as Sam requested.

 

-

When they finished both were breathing heavily. With Sam laying over his back it was hard for Crowley to get a good breath. Crowley shifted slightly trying to move out from under Sam so he could catch his breath. Sam growled and bit the back of his neck. Crowley froze. Sam biting the back of his neck was a sign to be still. It was a possessive sign; a sign that Sam was in control. It was a sign that warned him to be still or Sam would be upset. No, Sam would never hurt him but Sam would be disappointed and that was almost as bad in Crowley’s mind. Crowley waited and finally Sam released him and ran his tongue over the area.

“Mine,” Sam hissed next to Crowley’s ear.

“Only yours,” Crowley agreed. Sam began nuzzling at the back of his neck. “Love?”

“Mm,” Sam hummed still nuzzling Crowley’s neck.

“It’s a little hard to breath. Could you move?”

“Stay?”

Crowley rolled his eyes. “Yes love, I’m staying.”

“Mm,” Sam hummed agreeably. “In the bed?”

Crowley rolled his eyes again. “Yes love, in the bed,” he assured Sam.

Placing his nose behind Crowley’s ear, near the base of his hairline, Sam inhaled deeply and hummed again. Crowley shuddered at the sensation. He found it wonderfully and beautifully erotic that his Sam found him this desirable. Finally Sam rolled off of Crowley. Before Crowley could move Sam wrapped his arms around Crowley and pulled him closer.

“Mine,” Sam insisted firmly.

“Yes love,” Crowley repeated keeping his voice as passive as possible. Sam needed to know Crowley was his, that Crowley would never leave him or want another. Crowley needed for his bondmate to be appeased. He kept his voice calm and deferential. “Only yours,” he assured his bondmate.

“Sorry,” Sam whispered still holding tightly onto Crowley.

“It’s fine love. I’m not going anywhere.”

“Don’t mean to be so clingy,” Sam muttered.

“It’s alright love. I know exactly how you feel. You forget how often I feel exactly the same way Sam.”

“I also know you baby,” Sam told him just before burying his face back into Crowley’s neck once more. “You don’t like it that rough all the time, only sometimes.”

“I told you it’s fine Sam. If I wanted to say stop I would have said it. Please don’t feel bad love. I really didn’t mind.”

“Not minding isn’t the same as wanting it,” Sam grumbled against Crowley’s skin.

“I did want it love, I promise. Okay?”

Sam, head still buried against Crowley’s neck, nodded. “I can’t help it baby. Maybe it’s the bond or maybe it’s just me but I can’t stand the thought of hurting you. It makes me feel… I don’t know, like I’m failing to protect you or something.” 

“There is nothing to protect me from when we’re together. You would never hurt me.”

Sam’s grip tightened around him and Crowley winced slightly. 

“You can’t _know_ that,” Sam disagreed.

“I can prove it,” Crowley stated.

“Prove?”

“Ow,” Crowley said mildly.

Sam let go and moved away so fast he fell off the bed. Instantly he sat up on his knees, hands on the mattress. “What is it? What’s wrong baby? What hurts?” he asked immediately.

Leaning forward Crowley placed a finger over Sam’s lips to quiet him. “Sh love, just proving my point. Nothing hurts, I was proving to you that you would never hurt me on purpose.”

Sam growled. “Do not _ever_ do that again.”

Crowley dropped his finger away from Sam’s lips. “I promise not to do that again. I just needed to prove to you that you wouldn’t hurt me on purpose.”

“Not ever again. I thought… I thought…” 

“I really am sorry love.”

“Promise me,” Sam demanded gripping Crowley’s arms. “Promise me I didn’t hurt you.”

“Never my love,” Crowley answered. Without giving Sam time to react Crowley wrapped a hand behind Sam’s neck and drew him in for a kiss. Sam seemed too stunned to move which is what Crowley had been hoping for. Hopefully the bond had been appeased. Now he needed to pull Sam out of that bond’s mindset and back to his normal self. Finally Crowley drew back and held Sam’s eyes with his own. “Forever and always, only yours. Now get back into bed and snuggle with me,” Crowley stated firmly still holding Sam’s gaze. 

Sam grinned. “You got it baby.”

-

Sam awoke feeling slightly annoyed. He tried to find the source of his annoyance but the reason eluded him. Frowning he finally opened his eyes and turned to kiss his baby good morning. The frown only deepened when he realized Crowley wasn’t in bed anymore. _Near_ , his bond told him. _Near and safe_ , the bond assured him. Sam lifted his head slightly and inspected the rest of the room. When he found Crowley sitting at his computer Sam finally relaxed.

“Baby?”

Crowley’s typing stopped and after a few seconds he turned to face Sam. “Yes love?”

“I,” Sam hesitated before starting again. “I’m sorry if I hurt you last night.”

Pushing the chair back Crowley stood and walked over to the bed. Sitting down on the edge he crossed his legs and reached over to run his fingers through Sam’s hair. As Sam closed his eyes and leaned into the touch Crowley smiled. When Crowley stopped Sam opened his eyes and he looked up at his baby. 

“I told you love, you didn’t hurt me at all. Now stop worrying about that, okay?”

Nodding Sam reached his arms around Crowley’s waist and laid his head in Crowley’s lap, snuggling against him.

“Is the bond feeling better yet?” Crowley asked.

“Yeah. I think it just needed to be reassured you still wanted us. Me. Whatever. How do you even keep this straight?”

“Even if the bond wants something different than I do it’s still a part of me. It’s just the part of me that connects me to you. I don’t have to keep it straight. The bond, myself, you, it all means same thing to me. For me, it’s all a part of a whole.”

“God baby I love you.”

“I know.”

“Crowley?”

“Yes Sam?”

“Would… Would you like to check on Adam this morning?”

Crowley frowned. He would love to check on the youngest Winchester but he didn’t want to upset his Sam. “How does your side of the bond feel about that?” he asked.

“I don’t think it’ll mind. I think it’s fairly settled after…”

“After last night,” Crowley finished for him.

“I don’t understand why but I just felt this undeniable urge to make sure you understood how much I care for you, need you.”

“I know love. I get a similar urge sometimes.”

“Similar?”

“Mine differs slightly. It’s the difference in our roles. I know you hate the word but I need to use it for the purposes of this explanation. You’re the master, I’m the slave. You protect, I serve. When my half of the bond gets that way I need to be reassured you still want me. It’s only logical that your half would want to make sure I knew I was wanted.”

“You’re still not a slave,” Sam grumbled.

Crowley laughed. “No baby, I’m not. I’m your bondmate.”

“You still didn’t answer my question,” Sam reminded him.

“If you wouldn’t mind I would like to check on your brother, yes,” Crowley admitted. “I’m hoping I can help him the way you tried to help me.”

Turning to lay on his back Sam rested his head on Crowley’s leg and looked up at him.

“By giving him things to do, talking with him, getting him to socialize slowly. That kind of thing,” Crowley explained.

Sam nodded. “I think I’ll be alright now. I think the bond is pacified that you know I’ll always be here for you.”

“I’m glad. Sam?”

“Yes baby?”

“If there’s ever a time the bond needs to be reassured again and it needs that kind of intimacy, I don’t mind. I trust you love. Just because I haven’t asked for it doesn’t mean that I’d be upset about it. If it’s what you need then ask, okay?”

“On one condition.”

Crowley raised an eyebrow and waited.

“You tell me if you actually do mind it that way. I know you. Sometimes you can’t deal with that kind of sex. I want you to tell me if you honestly do mind if it gets that rough.”

“I promise to let you know if I cannot handle it that rough at that moment if you promise to ask when you need it.”

“Deal.” 

“If I am going to go meet him, I need to leave soon. We like to have a cup of tea before the others arrive for breakfast.”

“Understood. I’ll meet you down there later.”

“I’ll look forward to it then.”

-

When Adam made it down to the kitchen, as always, Crowley was already present and there was an extra cup of tea waiting for him. The past few mornings he and Crowley had been having breakfast together. Even if Adam knew it wasn’t going to be a good day he had agreed to come down for breakfast in the mornings as a favor to Crowley. Sometimes he would stay downstairs and talk with Crowley. Other days he would beat a hasty retreat back upstairs to his room. Crowley didn’t mind which it was so long as Adam made it down for breakfast.

“Ah good. You made it before the tea got cold,” Crowley said as Adam sat down.

“Yeah.”

Adam wasn’t usually all that talkative but Crowley never really pushed. Okay, so if it was a direct question Crowley would wait until he replied but mostly Crowley was content to do all the talking leaving Adam to interject if he felt like it. It was almost always trivial unless Adam had anything specific he wanted to talk about. This morning Adam did have a few questions but he wasn’t sure how to ask them.

“I hope you slept well,” Crowley stated.

Adam ducked his head to hide the smile. He really appreciated Crowley forming most of his questions as statements to avoid pushing Adam into answering. “Slept fine,” he answered raising his head. “I actually wanted to ask you something.”

“Go on,” Crowley encouraged.

Adam fidgeted. “It’s about Sam.”

“What about him?”

“Well he… I mean you…” Sighing Adam took a deep breath and tried again. “Something is different with him isn’t it? I mean, he’s not really acting like himself.”

Slowly Crowley sat down opposite Adam. “No he hasn’t but things should be getting better soon.”

“What happened?”

“I’m not exactly sure yet but I do have some theories. I believe that when we were separated it caused a buildup of energy on both sides of the bond. When we brought Sam back I think the buildup of excess energy slammed into both us and overwhelmed the bond.”

“In you as well?” Adam asked.

“In me as well,” Crowley acknowledged. “That’s why I was so clingy in the beginning.”

“But Sam wasn’t,” Adam pointed out.

“He wasn’t clingy precisely but he was changed. I think his bond didn’t know what to do with the excess energy and had to process it. At first it was little things. Before everything he wouldn’t have had a problem letting me do things for him. Afterwards he really didn’t like it. Like when I wanted to make him a plate or just take care of him. He never had a problem with me doing little things for him before but when we got him back he absolutely hated it.”

“Why?”

“He is the master. It is his job to protect me, to take care of me.”

“But why the sudden change?”

“I think Lucifer… I _know_ Lucifer wouldn’t have wanted to share anymore of his power than necessary. Spells can always be altered to a degree. On the material plane though they can only be altered slightly. In hell they can be altered in way that takes away more to make the spell more powerful. It would make sense that in heaven, or an angelic plane, spells could be altered in a positive manner to make them more powerful.”

“So,” Adam said slowly. “When Lucifer cast the spell he altered in a negative way?”

“It’s my opinion he shifted the bond so that the master is required to expend less energy and the slave is required to expend more.”

“But then the angels took Sam to an angelic plane.”

“Filled with positive energy,” Crowley agreed.

“And what? The magic just shifted?”

“The _balance_ of the magic shifted. I believe the positive energy of the plane allowed the spell to balance itself closer to how it was originally intended to function.”

“Which means Sam’s expending more energy?”

Crowley frowned. “Yes and no. Expending and receiving energy are imprecise terms at best. It cannot be created or destroyed, only altered. He does not expend it so much as we share energy so that we’re both still in balance.”

“So how did that change his side of the bond?”

“What Lucifer did to initially alter the spell created an imbalance in certain areas. He balanced them out by creating another imbalance in other areas.”

“Do you know what he changed?”

“Me? No, haven’t a clue. I don’t know that much about ancient angelic magic. That’s not the point though. The spell would have known. When it was introduced to a concentrated area of positive energy I believe the spell tried to fix itself.”

“You speak like it’s a living thing,” Adam noted.

“For all intents and purposes, spells are living things. After all, they’re created out of energy the same as humans or other beings. It’s just that most instant use spells don’t have the time required to change. Changing them requires you to alter them before you cast. Lasting spells are different. You can alter them during because they take longer to cast and persist where the others are used instantly. I believe the positive energy altered Sam’s bond so that it affects him more like it the spell intended for it to affect him.”

“Which made him more clingy?”

“Which made him wish to protect me and keep me safe more so than he did already.”

“So-” Adam stopped short as Dean walked into the kitchen.

“Coffee already made?” Dean asked.

Crowley rolled his eyes.

-

Reading Crowley lay in bed, head on one of Sam’s arms, trying to focus. Honestly he wasn’t sure how much longer he could make it. Instead of waiting for Sam Crowley snagged a book and went back to the bedroom. He honestly hadn’t minded it rough last night but it hadn’t been his preference. Now in their room, alone and lying with Sam, Crowley had started a teasing war. Hopefully Sam would break first but either way Crowley would win. Despite which of them broke first he would get to be with his love again. He considered that a win in his books. 

Someone knocked on their door and Sam groaned. Crowley could completely understand how Sam felt. But then, that was part of the dangers of having sex during the day. They could, and often were, interrupted. At night no one interrupted them for anything other than a major emergency. Sighing Crowley started to get up to answer the door. Sam put a hand on his chest to keep Crowley from moving. 

“Yes?” Sam called out.

The door cracked open slightly and Adam stuck his head inside.

“Am I interrupting anything? I could come back later.”

Crowley turned back to face Sam and waited.

“It’s alright,” Sam finally stated.

“I could still come back later,” Adam offered.

“No it’s fine,” Sam told him. “We weren’t doing anything we can’t postpone.”

Adam’s eyes went to Crowley’s and Crowley sighed.

“It’s fine,” Crowley reassured Adam, sitting up. “What did you need?”

Entering the rest of the way Adam closed the door. “I was wondering if you could teach me about spells?”

“Spells?” Crowley asked.

“Let’s face it. I’m never going to be as good of a fighter as the others no matter how much I train but maybe I could help in another way. I’ve been researching the things I’ve heard the others talk about and I want to help. I could help if anyone needed research done but I wanted to be able to help if anyone needed back up as well.”

“I’m not sure,” Sam said hesitantly.

“I want to be able to help,” Adam insisted. “You’re the one that’s always trying to get me to do things,” Adam told Crowley. “I want to be able to help. When we were talking about things this morning it got me thinking. Besides, you can’t deny it would help to have someone else that knows spells as well.”

Crowley and Sam turned to each other and Sam cocked an eyebrow. 

“It would help,” Crowley told Sam.

“Would he be safe?” Sam asked.

“Safer than anyone else engaged in physical combat,” Crowley said with a shrug.

Sam sighed. “Alright,” Sam caved. “Can I watch while you teach him?”

“If you would like. There’s no reason you couldn’t.”

“But you don’t want me to,” Sam stated, crossing his arms. “I can feel it.”

“That’s not exactly true. I don’t mind if you watch but other people usually keep the student from being able to concentrate well enough. If you’d like to watch you may but it might hinder his concentration is all.”

“I may drop in but I think I’ll visit with Dean and let you two get on with it.”

Crowley nodded once. 

Sam stood and put one hand on each of Crowley’s cheeks. Leaning down he kissed Crowley on the forehead. “See you later?”

“Of course love.”

-

For several months Crowley trained Adam in spellcraft. Sam would occasionally stop by and listen for a while. After a while most of their discussions were well beyond Sam’s basic knowledge. Adam, however, seemed to understand it amazingly well. Sometimes they would discuss Adam’s training at the end of the day but usually not. Most of the time when they were together Sam and Crowley focused on each other only. _As it should be_ , the bond asserted.

Crowley had tried to explain what happened and why Sam felt the bond differently now but Sam always got lost before he could understand it. Positive energy, negative energy, balance of flow, he could understand. The rest of it always ended up getting muddled. He was just happy knowing Crowley was his and would never want another ever.

Hunts came and went without too much trouble. In the beginning Adam helped Bobby with the research and left the hunting to others. The first time Adam joined them Sam had been worried about his brother’s safety. Even with Crowley, Dean and himself there he was still worried something might happen to Adam. He needn't have worried it turned out. Yes Adam had been attacked but he had done some spell or another that had taken out his opponent before he had been seriously hurt. For his troubles Adam had received a serious gash on his left arm that required stitches but he had been more happy then he had been since they'd rescued him. 

As happy as he was Sam still found himself feeling antsy. He knew what the source was though. As happy as he was with the arrangement he wasn’t getting enough one on one time with Crowley. The bond prickled trying to force him into grabbing Crowley and locking them inside their room for days. Not surprisingly Crowley sensed the conflict of emotions. His baby always knew what he was feeling, for which Sam was grateful. So it wasn’t too much of a surprise when Crowley asked if Sam wanted to go on a date, just the two of them. Sam, of course, had jumped at the chance to be alone with his baby.

-

Both still clothed Sam lay over his baby wanting, no _needing_ , to possess him but unsure if Crowley would want that kind of sex tonight. Through the bond he could sense that Crowley needed intimacy more than claiming. Sam was at a loss on how to proceed. Should he ask? As much as Sam needed it he would never hurt his baby. Crowley was his to protect. He must have hesitated for too long because before he could figure out how to ask Crowley spoke.

“Love?”

“It’s nothing baby,” Sam lied.

Crowley frowned. “You know I can feel when you’re lying to me, don’t you?”

Sam turned his head away and said nothing.

“I can feel it love. I told you to ask when you wanted it, remember?”

“As much as you can feel me, I can feel you,” Sam answered quietly. “You do not want it rough tonight.”

“It doesn’t have to be rough for me to soothe your side of the bond,” Crowley told him.

Sam glanced back to Crowley still not quite meeting his eyes.

“Lay back and let me show you what I mean, love. Please?”

For a second the bond bristled at the order. When it was softened by the please the bond grumbled but relaxed slightly. Sam mentally grumbled back to the bond and moved to lay on the bed as Crowley had asked. Crowley sat up on his knees and lowered his head.

“May I please you tonight?” Crowley asked.

“You always please me when we are together.”

“I meant, may I do the majority of the work, please?”

His bond relaxed even more at the submissive posture and tone his bondmate was adopting. _Mine_ , the bond growled. Yes, Sam agreed. “I am not sure if I can stop myself from becoming too rough if we do this,” Sam informed Crowley.

“By then I will probably want it that way,” Crowley replied passively.

“You wish intimacy more right now,” Sam countered.

“Yes sir. But I can get that and help appease the bond as well, if you would permit.”

“You wish to dictate how this goes?” Sam asked.

“No sir. I wish to ask if you don’t mind me pleasing you. If you mind then I will, of course, acquiesce to your wishes.”

Sam eyed Crowley carefully, wondering how he felt about this. No matter which way it went only Sam had ever been in charge of how things went. Could he relinquish control enough to let Crowley call the shots?

“You, of course, would remain in complete control over everything,” Crowley said softly.

“If I even feel like you stop wanting this, _at all_ , I will stop.”

“I know sir.”

Crowley on his knees, head bowed, voice calm and respectful, soothed his bond. Sam considered Crowley’s proposal. “You may proceed,” Sam announced.

“Thank you sir. May I undress you now?”

“Yes,” Sam approved.

-

When it was over Sam was breathing heavily and completely sated. Instead of ordering him to do things Crowley had asked deferentially. Sam’s bond had complied because they weren’t commands but requests from his bondmate. Commands would not have been tolerated by the bond right now. Requests were eminently doable. Each of Crowley’s request still left Sam in a position of dominance so that helped.

The only change in Crowley he had felt through the bond had been the subtle shift from needing intimacy to needing Sam to claim him. The second Sam felt the shift he had taken control and Crowley had been all to happy to let him. Complying instantly Crowley had easily shifted from making polite requests to doing as Sam pleased. They hadn’t progressed to the more frenzied, rougher type of sex but it wasn’t the same slow and easy type either. Still, after everything, both of them were contented. Sam felt the same emotional contentment flowing into him through the bond from his baby. 

“Baby?” Sam said quietly.

“Yes love,” Crowley answered.

“Thank you.”

“I didn’t do anything, love.”

“I know how hard it was for you to take control and ask for things. Thank you for pushing yourself into doing it anyway.”

“Mm, did it for you love,” Crowley murmured. “Always for you.”

“I know baby. God I love you. I will never let anything happen to you, okay? I’ll always protect you baby. You know that right?”

“Mm hm,” Crowley hummed. “Always,” he repeated. Crowley opened his eyes. “And…”

“And what baby?” Sam asked.

“And you’ll always want me?”

Crowley flinched slightly as if he expected Sam to be upset by the question. The bond growled, angry that his bondmate would be scared of them. Crowley should never be scared of anything. Sam would never let anything happen to him. Crowley began to tremble and Sam shoved the thoughts away. Crowley needed comfort not anger. Slowly Sam wrapped his arms around Crowley careful not to startle him more than necessary.

“Sh baby, I’ve got you. Yes baby, I’ll _always_ want you. Always.”

“Promise?”

The doubt in Crowley’s voice hurt. Sam held Crowley more tightly and began rocking him slowly. “I’ve got you baby. I love you and I will always want you. Never doubt that, baby. Never doubt how much I care about you, okay?”

Crowley nodded but didn’t speak.

.

Crowley, wrapped in his bondmate's arms, safe and wanted, began to calm. It wasn’t that he doubted Sam wanted him. Sam had proved to him over and over that he was wanted. It was more of a baseless fear than anything else. The love he felt flowing through his bond with Sam helped soothe him even more. Finally he stopped trembling. Sam was his bondmate. Sam would never hurt him, never leave him. 

No matter what happened he would always belong to Sam. No, he wasn’t a ‘slave’ and Sam wasn’t his ‘master’. It wasn’t anything so generic. They merely just belonged to each other, with each other. As he calmed he felt something deep inside settling, almost as if something was finally clicking into place. As much as he loved his Sam and as strongly as he already felt the bond something about it now seemed stronger, firmer, more permanent. 

He was Sam’s and Sam was his. Forever.

**Author's Note:**

> Be patient please I'm working on four stories at once.


End file.
